My blogs are about whatever is ticking me off or interesting me at that moment. Usually all my posts are written from the bathtub, since THIS is where I do my best thinking!
Well, 2010 is almost over...... and I am soooooooooooooo thankful to see it go. This has been a roller coaster of a year. Good times, bad times (a LOT more bad than good, I might add ), miserable times. I'm ready to start 2011! My divorce will be final in another 30 days or so, I'll be going back to the office to work (my decision.... I'm bored and lonely), I'm going to get back into my writing and this year one of my books will be completed and published! It's time to get serious, worry about ME and MY future and how I'm going to take care of ME...... instead of trying to make other people happy and giving up myself to do it. I did that for way too long and it's time to stop.
I've decided that 2011 is the "Year of Kerri!" I'm going to do things FOR me, the way I want to do them, WHEN I want to do them. "Oh, I feel like taking off and going to Mexico for the weekend!...... buh-bye!" Or, "Ya know, I don't feel like going and watching a live band........ I'm going to stay home and drink wine and eat chocolate. Why? Because I can!" Yep, I feel less stressed just thinking about the New Year! I'm not going to feel guilty about going to Barnes and Noble every Friday night and hanging out with my fellow nerds, enjoying huge cups of coffee, reading magazines and researching. THAT'S what I like so THAT'S what I'm going to do!!!! I think J and I will finally hit Sips and Strokes and do a LOT more vintage clothes shopping.
I am very lucky to have a son who is caring, considerate and kind. I plan on spending more time with him this year as well. I miss my friends and plan on making more time for them, too. Missy.... Jody..... we WILL be going to a Cubs game this year!! Maybe two!!! I WILL make it to Chicago this year!!! I also want to go back to Watertown, NY.... where I grew up. I miss it. I can do ALL of these things now without worrying that I'm going to hurt someones feelings or piss someone off!
I spent the first 40 years of my life taking care of other people and putting what I wanted on the back burner. Not anymore. The next 40 are MINE!!!!
What an exciting day!!! My good friend J brought me my Christmas present today and it was AWWWEEESOOMMME!!! Tools!!! My OWN tools!!! A screwdriver set, TWO tape measures and a very cool, Edward Scissor hands meets Swiss Army knife kinda thing!!! It's got a knife, screwdrivers, bottle opener, a nail file, pliers and some other cute little gadgets on it!! And, it has skulls on the handles!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!
My home was recently "ransacked" (not really, I like to add a little drama to the obvious) and I was left without any tools. Not even a hammer!! I did get one huge screw driver, which, if you turn it around, makes a fine hammer.
I was so excited, I took my fan apart and cleaned it!! I have become a "home-repair-person," per my friend Greg. See, I had a little issue this evening that unfortunately, my tools could not repair. My outlets in the bathroom stopped working. Ummmmm, not cool at all!! I went outside and looked in the box and the fuse things looked normal..... I mean, I wouldn't have known what I was even looking for to be quite honest. But, with Greg's help, I tracked down the culprit to my son's outlet in his bathroom. So, all is good and I can straighten my hair in front of the mirror now. It was an easy fix.... push a button... reset.... fixed. But I feel like I just rewired the entire house blindfolded while sipping wine. I feel like....well, probably what a man feels like when he fixes something minor like that! LIKE DA-MAN!!!! LOL!!!
I've never repaired anything like that, especially via text. I feel so high tech now! And those GFI things.... should be called WTF's!!! Why would it just pop out and throw off every outlet? Guess that's why I'm not an electrician.
So now, I'm prepared to fix anything!!!! Well, as long as it only requires being screwed, filed, opened or sawed (yes, it has a small saw on it!). Still, I feel like I've just became a woMAN!! Grrrrr......
I feel like I need to go walk around Lowe's now and stand in every isle, looking at shit I don't need and have no clue what it's for. I feel like Tim Taylor from Home Improvement!!!
So, that was my exciting evening!! Now, I'm off to find something else that needs fixing!!!
OK, I know Christmas is just next week but I am just not in the Christmas spirit. I'm almost sure you have all figured out that I am going through a divorce. Just let me make this clear so there is no confusion or wild story telling...I AM NOT SAD ABOUT MY DIVORCE!!! I AM THRILLLLLED!!!!! Now that THAT is out of the way......
First, I just want to say that, I think Christmas has been totally commercialized over the last 25 years and it makes me ill. Yes, I think it's great for children!! Adults?? Really?? You've made a list? Well isn't that just eff'ing fantabulous! How about this....... instead of saying, "I WANT this or that," think about those who are a lot less fortunate. You want a pair of Jimmy Choo's??? Well, shit, so do I!!! But you don't see me ASKING anyone for them!!! If I want them, I'll buy them myself. Why take out a second mortgage to buy expensive shoes, purses, jewelry, cars, electronics.......? What is the purpose? To have one day out of the year where you feel like you're rich? That is so ignorant. And I also feel that you shouldn't HAVE to buy anyone a gift. I mean, if you really feel like buying someone a gift, be practical. But you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to buy anyone ANYTHING. Why would I buy some douche bag I don't like, a present??? Ummm, NO! I like to do NEED shopping. If I know you NEED something, I'd be more apt to buy that than something you MAY or MAY NOT use. My family did a name draw this year. One gift.... that's all I have to buy. Instead of one gift for every member of my family. Would I like to buy them all a gift? Sure I would. Am I going to let my electricity get turned off to do so? HELLLLLLLLLL NO!!!!! Anyways, enough of that. Let me get to why I really wanted to blog....
So, I've been sitting here over the last two months noticing stuff that "disappeared" without my knowing. And, it's not until I needed that item, did I notice it was gone. Obviously I noticed the TV and the boat.... but now I'm noticing odd stuff.... like the nice lamp I bought for MY desk. Hmmmm.... missing. MY WINTER CLOTHES....... missing..... just stuff like that. I've tried not to get pissed and just look at the source of it's disappearance. SCREW THAT!!! WTF??? MY winter clothes???? Really? It wasn't enough to pussy out while I was on vacation and go through every inch of this house and take what you wanted?? But MY clothes? Something I wasn't aware of there???????? hmmmmmm......
I've heard through the grapevine that new cars are being bought, trips are being taken...... and I sit here and wonder.... HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN???? Now, I'm not jealous, mind you. I'm not the one who will have to pay for the vehicle. I live within my means. This is why I don't have to run out and find a sugar daddy to hook up with to pay my bills, house my ass, and stroke my tiny....... EGO..... I take care of myself. It just pisses me off that I gave, gave, GAVE and he took, took, TOOK!!! I know karma is a bitch and she'll rear her ugly head eventually. Not on me..... that's for sure. I know that I am sooooooo much better off!!! It still just pisses me off that someone took advantage of me. It pisses me off even more that I let him!!! Sorry, I just needed to vent. I just get pissed when I have to go buy myself something long sleeved so I can stay warm because someone thought they needed my clothes more than I did. Oh, and BTW, you need to go to the PLUS SIZE section.... my clothes are from the JUNIORS section!! Just sayin!!!
"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."
Ahhhhh, those famous words of Clark W. Griswold!!!!
That ENTIRE movie was hilarious!!! Thanks to Jody, I feel the need to quote all of the funny parts!!
Here's more quotes!!! If this shit doesn't make you laugh, then you have bigger issues than I do!!
Clark: Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber. Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust. Clark: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.
[as an entourage of suits - lead by Clark's boss - passes by single file] Clark: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark? Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.
Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things. Cousin Catherine Johnson: Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.
Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess. Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah. Clark: How'd you get through it? Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels. (this reminds me of my friends!!! )
[Todd Chester stares in horror at Eddie draining the RV toilet] Eddie: Merry Christmas. Shitter was full.
Ellen: Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.
[Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswold's yuppie neighbors, appear] Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Clark: Bend over and I'll show you. Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold. Clark: I wasn't talking to you.
Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.
Todd: Well, something had to come through the window! Something had to break the stereo! Margo: And why is the carpet all wet, *Todd*? Todd: I don't *know*, Margo!
"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d!@kless, hopeless, heartless, fat-@ss, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s@!t he is. Hallelujah. Holy s@!t. Where's the Tylenol?" - Clark Griswold
Picked up a copy of US weekly yesterday, and who's on the cover? The person I love to hate most.... yup, Taylor Swift. I can't place my finger on why I don't care much for her. It may be that mousy looking face, her wretched voice, her jacked up hair, ..... not sure, I guess it's all of the above, and the fact that money CAN buy you a record deal. Sorry...... the girl can't sing. Period. Listen to her live....... actually, don't. It's not good.
Anyways, she is on the cover with..... JAKE GYLLENHAAL!!! WTF??? Are you serious? Is he really getting that desperate? She's a child for shits sake!!! She just graduated high school while he was wooing Reese Witherspoon!!! She writes/sings about BOYS.... not men.... BOYS!! And why, pray tell, is she writing about boys?? BECAUSE SHE'S A GIRL!! She's not a woman. She's in that awkward in-between stage. He is a full grown man. He is HOT! She is NOT! He is an A lister. She is.... WTF is she?? Talented.... um, maybe a tiny, little bit. But really Jake?? Taylor?? You went from Reese to her?? That's really just scraping the barrel for a woman. How sad.
I really like Jake. Brokeback Mountain?? Hello!! Not many actors could have done that movie and made it what it became. NO GUYS.... it's not a gay porno. It's a gay love story and it was AWESOME!!!!
So J and I sat here today thinking about what THEIR name would be.... you know Brad and Angelina= Brangelina......? We cam up with Jift, Jaylor (I liked the JaILor version, better) Jaytay, Gyllenswift, ..... See, their combined names even suck. Jake must feel like a real man now. He won the heart of a tween who was dumped by a JONAS BROTHER!!!! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
I don't know..... I'm just tired of seeing her mousy ass all over my WOMEN'S magazines. Can't she just stay on the cover of Tiger Beat and Seventeen for a few more years???
Well, that was my rant. I feel better.
I love freedom of speech! It lets me vent!!
J and I were at the mall last night, window shopping for shoes and unfortunately, had a run in with an uncircumcised boot. You've seen them, haven't you? Apparently it's all the latest rage, since I was about run down by a pack of teens trying on these things. They were doing the side look in the mirror, "oh look how great I look with the foreskin still on this boot, " while J and I laughed until we cried! And J thought the shooties I wanted were ugly???? These boots were atrocious!!! Well here, see for yourself...... Yeah.... not my thing. Now, on the other hand (no pun intended), you have the fingerless gloves that J is now sporting, and yes, now that she mentioned it, she DID look like a bag lady last night.... minus the cart and bags and hacking cough. I prefer the totally open ended gitten (glove/mitten) . I smoke, so I need all my fingers free to rummage around in the bottomless purse pit looking for smokes, gum, chap stick, and of course, the iPhone.
We did notice a trend starting up again. Legwarmers!!! Hey, we know you ALL did it!! I believe I owned a few pairs... a pair of rainbow striped ones (I had no idea what that meant back then.....) and some other cutesy pair. But, I put them away back in the 80's, hoping to never see their return. Guess what.... they're back. Seriously doubt you'll ever see me in those again. It's funny how all of these things are making a comeback. I'll be really stoked when that whole early Madonna thing comes back, though. Wearing 50 rubber bracelets (in those crazy fluorescent colors), lace gloves, big ass cross necklaces, heels, cute skirts with leggings, messy hair..... yeah buddy!! But leg warmers..... nah..... let em' go girls. They really weren't cute then and they sure the hell aren't now, either!!!
Oh, and lets not forget Samantha Fox....... Love the mullet and the use of denim. I love denim but that is wayyyyy too much!!! Let's leave that in the past, too. Well, I'm off to my attic to see what 80's crap I have left. I'm hoping my collection of 800 rubber bracelets, RATT t-shirt, funky ass heels and my Smurf collection are all up there.
I'm feeling a bit nostalgic-y...... think I'll turn on some RATT and Billy Idol, throw on some legwarmers and drink some Boones Farm. Hopefully I won't have to run from the law tonight! Sorry.. deja-vu!!!!
Well, the papers have been drawn up and they are being sent over to the court clerk tomorrow! So, 60 days from tomorrow, I'll be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Not that this so called,"marriage" has stopped me in anyway, but, at least I'll be free to go back to my maiden name, not feel like I'm carrying dead weight and not to mention, will bring home a couple extra hundred dollars a month by removing said dead weight from my health insurance!!! Yayyyyy!!!
I see a few more pairs of shoes in my near future. Just think, if I save that extra money for 6 months, I can have the shoes I really, REALLY want................
Dear John,
Really? "Are you ok?" This text at 11:00 pm on a Friday night while I was out of town with my man? I'm confused.
This wasn't an important question when I was home alone for weeks while you were off pursuing your dreams (and other women, apparently)? This wasn't important when I had surgery on my feet and couldn't even go to the bathroom without someone carrying me and you went out and "played" that VERY night while my BFF babysat me? (Though watching Xanadu while jacked up on Percocet was pretty funny!) What about when we were hours from home in a cabin and you left at midnight to "go visit a friend" in town? Or on New Year's Eve when I was home, again, with my BFF and her kids, while you were out playing and kissing other women at midnight? Really? The list goes on and on. Was I OK when I got phone calls and emails from other women telling me they were sorry because they had no idea you were married????
So, to answer that text, YES, I AM OK!!!! I am GREAT, actually!!! I have someone who doesn't lie, cheat, deliberately try to hurt me, make me feel worthless and squash my self-esteem. I have someone who appreciates me for ME!! A MAN who makes me feel wanted and loved and cared about. I don't have to wake up everyday thinking, "is this the day he moves out" or "I wonder if he loves me." What a refreshing change. I know that every morning when I wake up, he will be there for me. Even though he's not HERE here, I know that if I needed him, he would be here for me. I don't have to second guess anything he says or does. I don't have to walk on egg shells in fear of being talked to like a dog. I know that I'm not a safety net for him..... that he wants to be with me for all of the RIGHT reasons.
So yeah, I'm OK!!!
How many of you have gone into someones bathroom and opened the drawers or the medicine cabinet?
OK, now answer this......WHY? J and I have been trying to figure out the obsession people have with this. I am guilty, too. Not everyone...... just ones that I'm curious about. I just want to see if we have the same taste in toiletries. I just wonder what kind of toilet paper do they wipe THEIR asses with, or, does she really NOT have crows feet because she uses THAT face cream? I guess it truly is an invasion of privacy, but, who cares. It's not like I'm stealing the Charmin or using the face cream.
I'm trying to think of the nastiest things I've ever seen in drawers or cabinets..... jock straps, jock itch powder, hemorrhoid SUPPOSITORIES (why not just get the cream?? Like the back door action better??? ), nipple BUTTER (??? WTF is that, anyways?), and of course, the normal BS we all keep.
Is this just as intrusive as rifling through someones dresser drawers? What is the fascination? Why do we feel the need to run the tap water while quietly opening the cabinets just to see if they use Charmin or Cottonelle? God forbid they have one of the doors that you have to slam shut...... or that has a tricky way of closing. Is this really worth losing the trust of a friend?
Anyways, this is just one of those things we thought of that makes you go.... hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
So, if you have nasties in your bathroom and you know I'm coming over, either hide that shit or just know that you WILL be reading about it someday. Hope I didn't offend anyone.
Ok, so that title is only going to be funny to one person..... I wanted it to sound like it was going to be a mean, feisty blog, but..... not happening.
Someone please tell me WHY I cannot write a sarcastic, witty, rude blog anymore? I honestly cannot find anything negative to blog about. I mean, I could but, I don't feel like it. I'm so happy, I've got sunshine pouring out my ass on any given day!! Apparently, all of my other blogs were written when I was either pissed off or ....well, just pissed off. I think I was pissed off for the last four years to be honest. Wow... wasn't that a great existence? Now, I'm just happy with my life and everything in it! I don't think I've been angry in a month.... I'm waking up early to have coffee with my man on the phone and ENJOYING the hell out of it!! I'm even enjoying my job..... which, if you've read my previous blogs, I used to loathe. WTF? Am I going to have to start an argument with Darren just so I can write a good, raunchy, mean blog? Well, that's not gonna happen. He's so sweet. I wouldn't do that to him.
Is this just a writer's block? I hope so..... I enjoyed being rude once a week. I so want to say something nasty about Taylor Swift at the CMA's or about Snooki and her big ass hair. But nothing is coming out. I'm not even paying any attention to the news anymore. I don't even know which stars have been showing their asses lately. I don't want to be "drama"tized by all the negativity. I just want to live in my happy, drama free, lie free, cheater free, world. I've got a great man who has been my rock through this crap and I truly appreciate him. I appreciate him so much, I watched the Cowboys get their asses handed to them on Monday night. Me, football, COWBOYS??? Really?
Ok, hopefully this is just a temporary block and I will continue my man-bashing, star cussing, rude writing, soon.
Actually, I did just think of a few things I'd like to say...... Jennifer Nettles from Sugarland looked like a frigin douche bag in that tutu on the CMA's tonight, CHEATERS NEVER WIN, AND WINNERS NEVER CHEAT (tee hee), and don't you think football player's pants are just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too tight? Aerodynamics my ass!!! They wear those to draw in the female viewers. Eh, it works, I guess.
One more thing, Thursday, 11/11/2010 is Veterans Day. Don't forget ALL of the Veterans who have served our country and fought for our freedom!!
Sorry, this is not going to be a funny, smart ass, raunchy post like most of them. I've had a lot of things go on in the last month that are unexplainable. Coincidences? I don't think so. Fate? I believe so.
Let me just go waaaaaaaaaaay back.... about 27 years.
When I was about 13, I met Darren. He was beautiful!!! Brown eyes, brown hair, freckles...he was MY Darren! I would walk to the opposite end of the school just to get a quick look at him. He played baseball and was the cutest boy I had ever seen in my life. We didn't talk. We didn't hang around the same people. We never really knew each other. Then..... he asked me to the dance. OK, since he was the first crush that I'd ever had, it's a given that I had never kissed a boy, let alone talked to one that made my knees shake! So, unfortunately, I declined and that pretty much ended any talking that we did. Though, I did continue to "pull a Rose", as he likes to say. Watch "Two and a Half Men," you'll understand. I would go to his baseball games just to see him and watch him play, take the longest route to classes just to have a Darren sighting, whatever it took to just SEE him. This crush went on throughout high school and honestly, until this day. I'd always think about him through the years..... just wondering where he was, what he looked like, was he married.... that kind of thing. I looked for him online a few times but never found him. Plus, what if I did find him? What would I have done, said, "remember me, the chick that blew you off in 7th grade?" Right... like he would ever remember me.
So, about a month ago, I was in Savannah, GA on a long weekend with my now, soon to be ex-husband. This trip was like a last ditch effort to save our marriage. My STBX, (soon to be ex) had a problem with infidelity..... a LOT!!! Our marriage was over years ago but I think both of us just continued to let it go to shit so we didn't have to face the end. Stupid. While I was there, I got a friend request..... from Darren! Talk about shit your pants!!!! I couldn't believe it!! AND, he said that I looked great!!! OK, first off, those are not words I've heard in a very, very long time. Second, they were coming from MY Darren!!! I can't explain it but when I saw that friend request, the effort that I had put into saving my marriage changed directions. Why? I wasn't looking for a man to replace my husband. I wasn't looking for an out. My knees started shaking again! It was my Darren and that's all it took. I knew from that day, that my marriage was officially over.
I have seen Darren a few times since we started talking. The first time I saw him, I thought I was in heaven! My Darren!!! My knees were knocking then, too! It was like we picked up where we left off. Which, we didn't leave off from anywhere, so, explain that!! From the first night we talked on the phone, it hasn't ended. We talk constantly. We wake up and have coffee together in the morning via phone, on breaks, in the bubble tub, in bed (get your minds out of the gutter!)! I get him..... and he gets me. We have so much in common. We laugh constantly and he is the SOLE reason for this big ass grin on my face 24/7!! He's made me feel like I've never felt before. He makes me feel special and wanted. He's sweet, honest, sincere, hard working..... he's the best!!! I can be ME around him and he doesn't judge me. He is my Darren and I wouldn't want him any other way!! I think we both have had to walk down a crappy path just to get here, where we are now!! I miss him when he's not on the phone.... I miss him when I have to leave him... I've got it BAAAAAD!!!! And, I'm pretty sure he does, too! How many men, who are TRUE NY Yankees fans, miss a playoff game, actually, two playoff games, to talk on the phone? And refuse to hang up to go watch it? Or miss their Sunday afternoon ritual of watching the Cowboys play?? If that isn't a sign, honey, I don't know what is. I told you he's the best!!!! FATE!!! It's got to be!!!
When I went to my nieces baby shower a few weekends ago I was on the plane sitting next to two ladies who saw me writing. Just so happened that both of them are published authors. And when they heard OUR story, they demanded that I write a book about this because this is a story that you only read about in books. Fiction books. This kind of stuff rarely happens in real life. They were going crazy over this and offered to help me in anyway possible. When I was getting off the plane, they said, "see you on the NY time bestseller list, Kerri!" LOL!! Coincidence that we were on the plane together? I think not. Coincidence that Darren came into the picture at this time in my life? I think not. Destiny? Fate? Ummmm, yeah!!! I believe this was supposed to happen NOW as opposed to back in 7th grade when we were both young and silly. My best friend from high school, Kim, found me on face book last year. She and I hadn't spoken in about 22 years. The day I left GA from going to see Darren for the first time, I called her first and I asked her if she remembered who my first crush in high school was. She said, "yeah, Darren O'Dette, why?" Then I heard , " awwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....it's just meant to be!" She and I are now back in contact, Darren and I are in contact and life is frigin GREAT!!!!! I couldn't have asked for a better man to walk into my life or a better friend to reconnect with!
So, I just wanted to let y'all know why I am so happy all the time now! I wanted to tell you all about MY DARREN and how special and awesome he is!!!! Oh, and take it from me, ANYTHING is possible!!!! You CAN be happy!!! And no giving me shit on writing such a mushy blog!!! I'm happy and I wanted everyone to know it!! I'll resume normal bitching, sarcastic, rude blogging tomorrow!!!
So, J and I were talking today and got on the subject of the dating scene and how bad it really can be!!! I mean, there are so many infomercials out there now at 4 am (J... take an Ambien already!)You can basically watch infomercials from 12a-4a, order the shit, and in 7-10 business days, (unless you pay high $$ and get that express delivery) you can reinvent your ass... just like that!! Poof!!! You're a ten!!
Check this out......
You don't like the shade of brown that your eyes are?? Well, never fear!! Colored contacts are here! That's right!! Now you can have those sparkling, waters of the Bahama's colored eyes!~Just $19.99 with shipping and handling.
How about your hair? Not long enough for you? Want your man to feel your long locks on his tight ass abs? Well, just snap in your new long, silky weave and go to town!!!!
Don't like to think about what your man is seeing when you lean over in front of him? Well give those girls a lift with the chicken cutlets!! They'll stand at attention for hours!!
Now if you don't have enough junk in your trunk, you should really invest in the ass pads! Spanx with an ass..... who'd a thunk it????
Yes, those are all wonderful things..... but two things here: a- that "as seen on TV" shit usually never works the way they show it on TV and b- what is your man gonna think when he goes into the bathroom and sees two eyes, two chicken cutlets, a lock of hair and an ass sitting on the sink??? He's gonna think you just performed an exorcism and get the hell out of there!!!
What next??????? These poor guys will truly never know exactly what they're getting until it's all over and the damage is done!!!! Scarring them for life!!! I bet they will never order chicken again!!!
Really???
What ever happened to R-E-S-P-E-C-T??
How can people be so cruel? So disrespectful? So dishonest? Oh, wait, I know...... they have no conscience!
Sorry guys, it's another man-bashing blog! But, not all men (YOU know who you are!) are like that! I know!
How can a man lie, cheat and steal from someone that they supposedly love? Who does that? I mean, you kiss someone and tell them that you love them while all along, you are cheating? Kissing another woman with those lying ass lips? Do you have no couth? This is why men get judged before women get to know them. See how one douche bag can ruin it for everybody?
How can a man sit back and watch someone try their best to provide for everyone while THEY are out pursing their passion, while not providing ANYTHING??? Then, when they feel like they need to move on and get it somewhere else, they wait until the coast is clear, go in and STEAL things that they know they didn't deserve in the first place and not even leave so much as a "fuck-you" note? No balls!!! But to this I say, take your parting gift and get the 'eff out already!!!
I personally have had an Epiphany this week!! Oh, here's the definition in case that word is too big for you: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
If you think negative thoughts, only negative junk will come into your life!! This week, I've realized that I deserve ALL GOOD THINGS and when I think positive, positive things come into my life!! I have reconnected with people from my past that have really made me realize that I deserve good things in my life and I am extremely happy!!!
So take your THINGS and move on!!!!! Hope you and your TV will be happy!!!!
According to my good friend, we'll call her "J", I've become a "softy".... losing my edge.... my razor sharp tongue has been filed down to the refined shape of a classy, southern belle do-good er.(I made that up... she didn't say that exactly... she used cuss words!). Really?? Nahhhhhhh......
J seems to think that my watching Dancing with the Stars and 20+ solid hours of watching the Chilean miners be rescued has ruined my love of cussing, ranting and bitching!
Has watching Dancing with the Stars turned me into my total opposite? Does what we watch on tv really show who we are? I don't think so. I don't want to run out and by a sexy dress and run around doing the Argentine Tango. I think I'd be as graceful as David Hasselhoff and as clumsy as Margaret Cho!!! Not cool!! I just find it humorous! These "stars" (Bristol Palin.... why are we calling her a star exactly???) go out there, some with NO dancing experience and try to be sexy and suave...... HA!!! Trust me, I did NOT find the Hoff sexy!! Funny, yes, sexy, HELL NO!!!! I even screamed, "you fucking suck, HOFF," when he danced!!! I love comedy and this is the funniest thing next to stand-up, if you ask me.
As far as my sarcastic, cuss loving mouth...... it's still here!!! Hey, I even ranted about one of the Chilean miners yesterday before he was pulled to safety. I had heard that his wife and mistress both were waiting for him. I just assumed he was a piece of shit like every other cheating husband. But, I had to retract that because after further investigation (I watched CNN for like 20 hours.... shut up J! ) it turns out that he and his wife of 28 years have been separated and he's had this mistress for 10 years....... kind of took the man-whore theory away from my rant. Oh well. I'm just trying to prove a point.
There just hasn't really been anything worth going off about lately. Yeah, yeah, Lindsay Lohan is at The Betty Ford Clinic..... so what. She should have been there for the last 5 years. I'm tired of blogging/bashing these stupid little rich and famous people. And this Snooki character..... who the fuck is she and why are we so interested in her stupid, asinine behavior? She's a dip shit. Like the judge who just sentenced her for disturbing the peace said, "she's a Lindsay Lohan wanna be." Miley Cyrus? Lindsay? Snooki? Role models for our youth??? These are the people we should be warning our kids to stay away from. I mean, how many mothers went out there and bought their daughter a "bump-itz" for their hair so they could look like Snooki (I do like saying that word.... Snooki! LOL)? Really? You think that's a good look? Personally, I think she looks like a little sausage stuck inside a baby sock. She's mouthy, rude, loud..... (kind of like me, but different. I have a little class....) Grrrrr....... She gives us Northern girls a bad reputation. We're not all like her. You don't have to be rude ALL the time. Only when necessary. OK, enough about that....
Also, I've now become addicted to Twitter. I follow mostly funny people with the same sense of humor that I have. I follow, "Shit my dad says" and let me tell ya, that dude is hilarious!! Here's one of his Tweets: "Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit!" Love that!!!
So, anyways, I'm still here. Still foul mouthed. Still bitchin. Still hatin.
Oh, and thanks for my coffee and good conversation (bitchin'), J! And, I am forcing myself to watch Chelsea Handler tonight. This should be interesting.
HA!!! Spell check can't find LOL but it corrected the word:: dogshit!! Apparently, I left out the space! Priceless!!
Well, I'm back from my last beach hoo-rah of 2010. My husband and I went down to Savannah, GA for a few days. We went over to Beaufort, SC on Friday to see Gary Sinese play with the Lt. Dan Band at the Beaufort Shrimp Festival. It was awesome! Shrimp out the ass!!! I love it!! The Jenny (Forrest Gump's boat) was docked by the stage. It was very cool! Fun night!
Saturday was Oktoberfest on River Street in Savannah. Tons of people. The husband played with Chuck Courtenay. Again, a fun night. TIP: vodka makes me VERY vocal and verbally abusive!! Probably should never let me drink vodka and; go to church, give a wedding toast, ask me how your new hair color/cut looks, etc..... Just sayin.
I must say one thing though. Savannah is not the most fashion conscious state in the country. I'm not a fashionista by any stretch, BUT, I read enough Vogue, Marie Clair and Cosmo to know that some things, should NEVEAH leave a woman's closet. (Said with the most slippery southern drawl I could muster!) Maybe it was mostly tourists, but, look here. Marc Jacobs and many other high end stores are right there in downtown Savannah. Go look in the windows and see if anything you're wearing even RESEMBLES anything in those windows. If not, go home, throw all your clothes away and start from scratch, dah'ling! Oh, and the men??? Twice as bad!!! Let me dig up some examples.....
Pick one pink item. Too much=small penis
YES! These DO make you look Gay!!
Ok, enough of that! I love Savannah, GA and hate to pick on it's people. But please, PLEASE help these people. Well, as you probably already know, I'm in the bubble tub relaxing, blogging and criticizing. I got back to Nashville and it's freezing, so I'm also thawing out!! I'll end this now with a few fun pics!
Gary Sinese warming up!!
Me at the beach!!
Big frigin' horse!!! With a big frigin' pee puddle!!
Is there something in the water? Is it the cool weather creeping up on us, making people want to stray to other warm arms? Are all men going through a mid-year crisis? Someone please explain this to me. I know of three men who are currently cheating on their spouses. Why? From where I'm sitting, I see no good reason. They all have good, honest, loving wives. What is wrong with people these days?
Marriage has become so disposable for some people. It's sickening really. It makes it hard for those of us who really cherish what a marriage means. It's not just men. Women do it, too. Some men admit they like the "hunt" and some like the tingly feeling they get in their manparts when they think another woman finds them attractive. So, why do they think the grass is greener on the other side? Why do they just up and leave a marriage to get a temporary tingle? Mid life crisis? I don't think so. I think cheating is just in some peoples blood. Some men have to feel like the center of attention.... all the time. How sad to have such low self-esteem.
Your spouse is the only person you need to be getting attention from. Your spouse is the only person you should be showing affection to. Cheating is so selfish. Why get married? And then, the kicker, is when the cheating spouse tells everyone that he is not being loved enough, or given enough attention at home. Making the unknowing wife look like a dumb ass when really she's just a victim.
I honestly believe in karma. I think when you do something bad, something bad will happen to you. You have to make a conscious effort to do good things to get good things in return. Cheating, lying, stealing....... nothing good comes out of that. Maybe temporarily, but, in the long run, it'll catch up to you.
So, to ALL of the cheaters out there. Men AND women.... STOP IT!! Be an adult. You're not in high school. Marriage is not a game. If you were serious enough to marry this person then you need to take the marriage seriously. How many times do you think a person REALLY finds true love? Once... maybe twice in their lifetime?? Get off the facebook, stop trying to get un-necessary attention from other women, love your wife, love your family and get your big, fat head out of your ass and be the husband you promised you were going to be.
It's a fact that men age faster than women. So, what this means is.... men, when you start getting bald, your sack is hanging 4 inches lower than it used to, you fart when you walk, your ear hair has an appointment at the salon for a trim..... trust me, that woman you left your wife for, is going to do the same thing that YOU did. LEAVE!! Then you'll be sitting by yourself, heating up your little Hungry Man dinner for one, wishing you had that sweet, attentive, honest wife that you left for the younger, hipper, woman. Karma...... I'm tellin ya!
Well, well, well........ I would love to say that I am shocked, but I'm not. Lindsay just tested positive for COKE at her court appointed probation visit. Let see, the judge gave her what 90 days in jail then she was ordered to go right into rehab.... for her COKE problem. So, she was released from jail early for good behavior (?? over crowded jail) then sent to rehab where in less than a week had somehow made everyone believe she was clean and a really, REALLY good inspiration to the other junkies. Riiiiiiggghhht! And Elvis is over here and I just made him a peanut butter and nanner sand which.
Is that court system really that ignorant? Did they truly NOT see this coming? The girl is an ACTRESS you bunch of douche bags!! She acted out being sober and kind and sweet. This is not her. She is a coke head. Two weeks in jail isn't going to change that! A year in rehab, MAYBE. No lesson was learned by her in jail or therapy. Pretty obvious, don't ya think?
If she gets into an accident and hurts someone, if I were them, I would sue Lindsay, the judge, the county, the psychiatrist who cleared her to leave.... everyone who enabled her to go out and do this all over again!!!! They are just as irresponsible and Lindsay. Makes me sick. If that was me, I'd still be serving my 11-29. Cause I sure the hell wouldn't have gotten off that easy....... Only in Hollywood apparently and only if you are a star. My new nickname for her... Lindsay Loserhan!!!!
I just want to say that, you never really know what you have until it's gone. You go about your business everyday, not thinking that tomorrow, a person that you love could be gone. Sometimes by choice.... sometimes not. It's true, though. I found out today that someone I once knew, my age, died. Unexpectedly. No, we weren't in contact with each other, but, just the thought of someone that I knew, so young, is just, gone. He won't see another sunset.... but worse, nobody will see another sunset WITH HIM. To me, that's tragic. His mother will not get to see her baby boy again, his friends won't get to see him or talk to him again..... strangers will never get the opportunity to be friends with him.
It makes you wish you could go back and say or do things differently. To make sure that they knew that you loved them and how much you cared about them. We take for granted that they will just be there tomorrow.
I have had a total eye opening experience. I plan on, from now on out, saying exactly how I feel, so nobody will ever have doubts. I want the people that I love and care about to know, without a doubt, that they were loved by me. 100%.
I'm also going to TRY and start stressing less about that unimportant crap that seeps its way into my life. If someone doesn't like me, oh well. I'm not going to let it bother me. They're just missing out on having an honest, truthful friend in their life. I'm not going to bicker with my husband or anyone else. Why? What's the point? It's so stupid. If I woke up tomorrow and he were gone, I would hope that he went knowing that I love him, I appreciate everything he's done for me (iphone updates, fix my computer, kill bugs, itched my back when i couldn't reach it, fixed me spaghetti, loved me....) Because in the end, isn't that all that matters? The little things that let people know how much you REALLY do love them and appreciate them? Yeah, I think so.
Starting today, I'm going to be a better wife, mother and friend.
I think I'm going through a serious case of " you are annoying the shit out of me, I hate my life, why are you wearing THAT, who fucking cares, kiss my ass, please stop talking, face book is getting ridiculous, I want to stay drunk all day, why can't I find a lit agent, your ass can't sing" kind of funk.
Seriously, I rarely get on Face book anymore. I was becoming one of those people that I hate. Post your every movement of everyday, get all philosophical over your hum-drum boring ass life...... NEXT! Twitter... now there's where I'm at.
What is wrong with me? I just want to sleep. I have no desire to do anything that I used to like. Except to go to Savannah, GA. Seems it's the only place I like these days. I have been ignoring texts, emails and phone calls from people I used to talk to everyday. Not because of them so much...... it's just me. I don't feel like exerting myself to answer the phone, text, what have you. So there ya go folks, please don't ask me WHY next time you do see/talk to me. I don't want to have to explain it again. It could be embarrassing..... for you.
Is it because of the change of weather? Is that fucking with my body chemistry and turning me into this hormonal rabid bitch that I've become? I love summer and as far as I'm concerned, it's totally gone. I've had to wear a hoodie and slippers for the last several mornings. Yes J, we KNOW how much YOU enjoy this! I don't. Either give me 90 and sunny with sand and the ocean or 30 and cold with some lake effect snow so i can scoot my ass down the driveway in the laundry basket and sip hot chocolate. This in between shit is for the birds. Yeah, yeah, football my ass. A bunch of dudes running around in tight pants chasing a ball and slapping each other on the ass. To me, football season just makes it easier for the already lazy people to come up with an excuse to sit in the la-z-boy, scratch their junk, eat bad foods and scream like the cast of Jersey Shore girls. NEXT!
So, where do I go from here? Move to an island until about May? Probably not gonna happen. No.... I'll have to stay here, deal with stupid ass people, watch dumb shit on TV for the next 6 months, read peoples boring life stories on FB and try to control this razor sharp, cuss word loving tongue of mine. Oh, and one more thing that has totally been driving the ever loving shit out of me-------- if you are sick, running a fever, have hemorrhoids, sore throat, kidney stones, gall stones, pink eye, stink eye, dyslexia, perplex'ia, athletes foot, jock itch, ringworm, add, adhd, tmi, tmj, carpal tunnel, dandruff, blue balls, vaginitis, sinusitis, chicken pox or any other issues, please..... PLEEEEASE....... TELL YOUR DOCTOR AND NOT THE WORLD!!! WE DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS YOU HYPOCHONDRIAC'S!!!! Take two frigin Aleve, some Nyquil, a shot of Jack and SHUT THE EFF UP ALREADY!!!!!! I'm sorry.... but if I can go to work one week after a major surgery, I'm almost positive you can get through an 8 hour day with a sore throat or ear infection. Deal with it!!! OMG, I almost said the P word!! Whoa..... I'm apparently very irritated and angry!!
Well, don't I feel a little better..!!??!! Yes! I do.....
So, if I've offended you in any way, I would normally say I'm sorry. Not gonna happen today. If you are one of THOSE people listed above, well, I don't know what to say... other than, YOU IDIOT!!!
Oh, and one more thing.... if you wear puprle lip stick, outlined in purple lip liner.... don't cry..... you should expect to be laughed at!!! Hey, 1985 called and they want you back!!!
This just reminded me of Jody and what she'll be like in 50 years!!! LOL
The Grand Ole Opry will return home to the Opry House on Tuesday, September 28, 2010, after being displaced since the May floods. The show will air live on GAC.
The “Circle” was brought back to the Opry House on August 25, 2010 after months of being refurbished. The circle was submerged under 46 plus inches of mud and water after the flooding. As soon as the water receded, it was removed and work to restore it began. Brad Paisley and Little Jimmy Dickens were on hand when the circle was returned home. The six foot oak circle was taken from the Ryman Auditorium and moved to the Opry House in 1974.
The Opry is not just celebrating it’s return to the Opry House, but it will also be celebrating it’s 85th birthday this year. There are many special events planned with plenty of stars on hand to help celebrate. Little Jimmy Dickens and Brad Paisley are among several artists expected to perform at the first show. Blake Shelton, Josh Turner, Jason Aldean and many others will also make appearances.
The Opry has been held at The Opry House since 1974. Not one show was missed after the flood in May, as the Opry was held at different locations throughout Nashville.
Other special events are planned to help celebrate the return to The Opry House and the Grand Ole Opry’s 85th birthday. Spirit of Nashville Day is scheduled for October 2nd. The Opry is inviting Nashville to come and tour the Opry House since the renovations. Fans will be able to see the circle and several new changes, including the new dressing rooms and the artist entrance. There will be free music all day at the Opry Plaza. Of course, the 85th Birthday bash is scheduled for October 8-9. This will be a big weekend at the Opry House, offering backstage tours, a party in the Opry Plaza, which is free to attend and the Grand Ole Opry will have many artists on hand to help celebrate.
You can go to opry.com to view the schedule for the Grand Ole Opry and the special events planned and purchase tickets.
Well, I'm super pissed that Jeanette and I don't get to go see Anjelah Johnson at Zanies' this weekend. Sold Out!!! The entire weekend....
So, I'm having my own comedy hour right here...... in the bubble tub. This girl is hysterical.....
Somebody please tell me why the sudden obsession with blinging out the va-ja-jay? I'm reading my Cosmo, and what's on the cover? "Untamed Va-jay-jays- guess what sexy style is back?" Are you serious?? Has a va-jay-jay ever REALLY been sexy? Um, I think not.
This is the second magazine I've read, in as many months, that is talking about Vajazzling the va-jay-jay or accessorizing it with glittery applique's. WHAT????
Last month, one of my magazines even gave you templates that you could use to "landscape" the va-jay-jay in cute little shapes. Riiiiiiiiiiigggghhhhhttttt!!! How about, where the nair hits, IT'S GONE!!!
Ok, so I had no idea there were so many accessories for the va-jay-jay. First, you have your vag-bling, which is basically like bedazzling your girl parts. Nah. Or, you can go with the vag tattoo, which, also comes in glow in the dark tats. Nice. For those women who just think thier color is a little, I don't know, pale, you can find the "My New Pink Button" temporary dye. Yes, it comes in 4 different shades: Marilyn, Bettie, Audry and Ginger.(I almost bet Audrey didn't dye her cooch!) Look, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. Now don't forget, if you have that dreaded camel toe, the Cuchini is an option. I'm not even gonna go into details.
I swear, this is crazy!! Honestly, I'm not gonna vajazzel my who-ha for ANYBODY!!! I may or may not landscape, just depends on how lazy I am the day I shave my legs. I'm certainly not going to dye it or tattoo it!! It's a funhole with hair! End of story. I'll vajazzle when I see a man naddazle! Not gonna happen my friends!!
Well, here we are again. The finale of The Bachelorette. Last time I blogged about this was when Ali bolted on Jake because of her job. Ok, ok, it was probably a blessing in disguise, because, I've watched the Jake and Vienna blow up, and I gotta tell ya, he's a DICK!! So, that was probably a great thing on her part.....
So, here we are on the eve of her "final rose" ceremony. I really am curious to know exactly how much time has she spent with Chris and Roberto, one on one. I mean, the show only lasts, what, two months? And in that time, she spends a lot of time with a lot of men. She's known these guy's two months and she's soooooo in love with Roberto.... ok, I've been with my husband for 5 years and I'm just finding out that he doesn't like bar soap!! Who knew??? No, this is not a reason to divorce him, but, it just goes to show that two months is an awfully short amount of time to think you've figured out how a man is going to be once you get married. Sure he's a loving, caring, romantic gentleman on tv. What makes her think that as soon as they get married he won't be sit in his La-Z-Boy, scratchin' his stuff, lettin stinky's, wiping cheeto crumbs on his underwear and belching the ABC's??? Of course they're on their best behavior. All men, AND women, act differently in the beginning of a relationship.
So, she chose Roberto..... shocker. Well, I hope they'll live happily ever after. I mean, she's run out of shows to be on, right? Well, hopefully we won't be seeing her and Roberto having a verbal, knock down drag out anytime soon.
I still think this show is nuts!!!
This past weekend I was in Savannah, GA (I LOVE SAVANNAH!!), celebrating the release of Chuck Courtenay's first CD. Who is Chuck Courtenay, you ask?(www.chuckband.com )Well, Chuck is a musician from Savannah, GA and happens to be my husband's best friend. My husband and Gary West, with Platinum Road Records, produced Chuck's CD, "Different Man," which was released this past Friday. The CD release party was held at Wild Wing Cafe' in historic downtown Savannah, GA. The turnout was AMAZING!!! The place was packed and the Cd's were a huge sell!! Trust me, I sold the merchandise! I was busier than a one armed paper hanger Friday night. Thanks to Ruth Fox, who helped tame the wild, rowdy customers for me. I was very proud for everyone involved, but was extremely proud of my husband, who worked so hard and put in so much time making sure the CD would be ready by the release date. The party, the CD..... everything was PERFECT!!!
Saturday night, Chuck and the boys opened for Jake Owen at The Beaufort Water Festival in Beaufort, SC. I've got to tell you, and I'm not just saying this, Chuck and his band SMOKED Jake Owen. Sorry, Jake. My personal opinion.... As my husband would so eloquently put it, "THEY WERE ON IT, SON!" I got to watch the show and the crowd (over 10,000 people) went absolutely crazy over Chuck! Huge beach balls flying around, people doing the 80's lighter hold, the beer cheers..... crazy I tell ya!! Merchandise sold like crazy that night, too. Women getting Chuck to sign their foreheads and arms and..... other "LADY" parts. It's was kind of surreal.... It's nice to see great things happen for people! Let me give a shout out to the band who played with Chuck all weekend:
Jesse Jordan- drums, Tim Burke- bass, Special guest musicians from Nashville- Bobby McKee on lead guitar and Tommy Butler on pedal steel guitar.
Also, a big shout out to Chris Elmgren and Jamie Stringer. They're always there to help Chuck and his band do whatever it is that needs to be done! And, they're great sticker-throwers, too!One more shout out...to Ken and Ruth Fox from Fox Vintage Amps, who loaned a few of their amps to the band over the weekend. It takes a lot of people to pull off something like this. It was great to see people helping out!!
Now, on the bitchy side, I just want to say this...... vanity, it is an ugly thing. No, I'm not talking about anyone from the band. I'm just making a general statement. One cannot ride on the coat tails of another and expect to reap the benefits. You must put forth an effort and be your own person. If you give, you shall receive. I've said enough. I'm very tired and very opinionated right now. So, I'll end this before I open a can of "verbal whoop ass!"
Where to begin.....
On the first day of my summer vacation, I laid out on the beautiful beach... got tanned and drank beer.
On the second day of my summer vacation, I laid out on the beautiful beach... got tanned and drank beer. Ok, so this is pretty much what I did for 8 straight days! Throw in a few naps, a few laps in the pool, A LOT of TMZ watching, smut magazine reading, a couple trips to local watering holes and more tanning. I have never been so relaxed. I didn't think about my job AT ALL!!! I have a deliciously, golden brown tan and I'm pretty proud of myself for not burning up on the first day and needing 150 SPF for the week. I actually used sunscreen this time.... ok, it was only SPF 25, but hey, I usually use no SPF. Since turning 40, I've decided it's time to take these things a little more seriously.
I got to spend quality time with my ENTIRE family which was awesome!! Our usual "Griswold" vacations seem to have moved on to another family, since we had NO issues whatsoever on this trip!!! (knocking on wood as we speak, since Christmas vacation isn't too far off!)
I am a little embarrassed to admit that I did get addicted to the weekly smut. I actually made it a point to be back in the room to find out Lindsey Lohan's sentencing (not proud..). I even made sure I was back in the room to watch Jake and Vienna duke it out on the bachelor. I'm sorry, but that delayed boo hoo was hilarious! Other smut that seriously caught my attention: Mel Gibson's domestic abuse allegations, Sandra Bullocks ex-douche bag's ex wife's nonsense, the BP oil dilemma, Kate Goslin's new haircut and orange tan, Carrie Underwood's surprise wedding, which really isn't smut, but, still..... Brad and Angelina's daughter, son, daughter, Shiloh,.... Jessica Simpson's new, married boyfriend, LeBron James taking forever to pick out a jersey (who gives a shit already!), and oh so many other distractions. Seriously, I don't miss watching that. Though it was funny.
Now, back to reality. Back to the job that I loathe.... I did get the resume' out and dusted off today. I plan on getting it tweaked and ready to send out. I did realize on vacation that I should not be so stressed about a job that pays crappy, treats you crappy and makes you feel crappy. So, I'm turning the page and starting a new chapter. I've come to a lot of conclusions on this trip. I'm going to change a few things in my life and just be HAPPY!!!!
I'm at St. Pete Beach in Florida, and I'll be spending my last three days here soaking up the sun and frozen drinks! Have lots of pics to share. Great vacation!! So needed it!! Will resume my normal blogging when I get home!
"Yes, Definitely!" Seriously, that's the response it just gave me.
I have become addicted to this stupid application. Every morning, I get up before going out side and ask it, "Magic 8 ball, did my newspaper get stolen again?" Usually it responds with, "Ask again later." I've asked this stupid thing so many questions; Do these shoes go with this outfit? Is my neighbor gay? Will I ever get paid to write (the answer to that is usually, " Reply hazy, try again")? Will the oil spill ruin my ten day beach vacation? Do you think I'm fat?
I had a real magic 8 ball when I was a kid. I loved that thing. I think my mother sold it in a yard sale, along with my sisters ENTIRE collection of the NY Yankees baseball card collection which probably would have been worth a boatload of money by now , all of my 80's concert t-shirts, my ENTIRE collection of the Smurf collectibles, Bryan Adams autographed concert ticket stub ( sentimental value only), and so many other things that I still wish I had. Though, she did keep my Rubix cube and a Cabbage Patch doll........ whoop- de- shit! Oh well, who knew, right? Anyways, just thought I'd share my Magic 8 ball addiction with you.
See, back then, we had a ball full of water, and usually full of shit, to keep us busy. No computers, no internet, no Facebook (Spacebook, as my mother calls it).... no, you "went outside" to chat with friends.
Magic 8 ball, wasn't life better back then? "My reply is SHIT NO!" (this was one of my own responses I added to the list of possible responses) Go figure.........
Ok, this is going out to any and ALL literary agents!!! Don't you want a writer who tells it like it is? Raw? "Can't wait to hear what rolls off her tongue next", girl? THAT'S ME!! I'm in search of a lit' agent who is willing to take a chance!! You won't be sorry! It will be a win, win situation! Chick lit is where I want to be! I love to write! Obviously not for the money but because it's what I love to do!! I write bio's, blogs, resumes, short stories and very creative grocery lists! So, take a chance on me! If you do, I'll dedicate an entire page of my first book to you!
I swear, everywhere I turn today, someone is hating. It started on Face book and has ended with the National Enquirer at the grocery store.
First thing this morning while scrolling through my twitter page, people were hating on Tori Spelling because her new book came out today. She was called home wrecker, horse face, anorexic and a slew of other names. Personally, I really enjoy her books and her show. Yes, maybe she and Dean did get together before they were both divorced.... but, do we know what their "previous" marriages were like? I'm just saying..... people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Next, there was the "breaking news" that Al Gore left his wife because he's gay. OK, where do people come up with this stuff? And so what if he is gay?? Is this going to effect you in any way, shape or form? The man invented the internet...... cut him some slack!! hee>
Hey, if that's his story, let him roll with it.
Then, poor little Gary Coleman. Let the man rest in peace already. Now we're hearing stories that his "surprise" will has shown up and he specifically stated that he wanted to be kept alive for 15 days before pulling the plug. Two things here.... one, it's too late for that now and two, where was this will? Why did it take over a week to surface? They can't plug it back in and say, "oh, we were a little premature on unplugging him. Let's start over!" He's gone.... he had no money... he was a sick man. Let it go......
Then, as I was scrolling through face book, Barnes and Noble (yes, I follow them!) posted a little something about Tori Spellings new book. The people were just being so nasty!! I couldn't believe it! I think they ended up removing the post. I did, however, put in my two cents! They kept saying that she's not a writer, she's stupid, etc..... yeah, she must be really stupid. This is the THIRD best seller that SHE'S written, she has a TV show, a children's clothing line, a jewelry line and now she's becoming an event coordinator. She may not be the sexiest woman in the world, but she sure does work her ass off! That's why she's probably so skinny!
I just thought it was odd that everyone is hating on everyone today!!
I guess I'll follow suit and go be nasty to my husband now.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
(Free-Press-Release.com) June 15, 2010 -- Chuck Courtenay has signed with Platinum Road Records, Nashville, Tennessee. Courtenay is a native of Savannah, Georgia. He is currently recording his first cd, entitled, "Different Man," set to release on July 16, 2010. The cd release party for "Different Man" will be held on July 16, 2010 at Wild Wing Cafe in historic, downtown Savannah, Georgia. Courtenay will open for Jake Owen at the Beaufort Water Festival on July 17, 2010, in Beaufort, South Carolina. View more on this artist at www.chuckband.com
Summer has just come in with a bang here in Nashville. We went from a few mild spring days to HOT, HOT and HOTTER days!! I believe the temperature today was 100 degrees! This is crazy!
Well, I haven't blogged in a few weeks because my computer was infected. Actually, it still is. I'm on my dinosaur laptop, which I really don't like because it's so big compared to my netbook and it's harder to prop up on the side of the tub (since this is where I write my, "Confessions from the Bubble Tub").
So, let's catch up. It's hot. I'm disliking my job more and more everyday. I want my computer back. That's about it, really. Oh, on the positive side, I have been hula hooping for over a month and it HAS paid off! If I do say so myself, my ass, the backs of my legs and my abs are looking much better! The muffin top is slowing deflating, as well.
I'm counting down to my 10 day vacation on the beach with my sister in St. Petersburg, FL. I'm packing my bikini (main reason for hula hooping so diligently), a few shorts and that's it. I plan on doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but laying in the sun and writing.
I'm leaving on July 2nd, the first full day of my being 40. I'm quite sure I'll be depressed so a long stay on the beach with my not-so-Jennifer Aniston looking body, will be JUST what I need. Turning 40 is really getting to me. My son graduates from college on June 24th and I feel my skin starting to sag just thinking about it. Seems like it was just yesterday that I was at his 6th grade graduation.
But, I have decided that this is the year that I'm going to turn over a new leaf. Reinvent myself. Live for me! I'm seriously considering quitting my job to write. Write anything.... resumes, bios, stories..... whatever pays the bills. I wish my blogging paid. I'd love to do nothing but blog ALL DAY LONG!! But, I'm going to start living to make myself happy and less stressed!
This is my plan, anyways...... Cross your fingers!
