My blogs are about whatever is ticking me off or interesting me at that moment. Usually all my posts are written from the bathtub, since THIS is where I do my best thinking!
I can't believe Christmas is over...... it seems like I just left for Florida yesterday!!! Those 5 days flew by. I got to see my son, which, was present enough for me!! I miss that kid something awful.....
This was the BEST Christmas we've had as a family in a long time! There were no feuds, no tears shed, no Clark Griswold light episodes..... just a good time!!!
My family has a big spaghetti dinner on Christmas Eve... that's our thing. This year, you were required to wear Christmas pajamas. So, that was interesting. My sister ordered our favorite foods from Upstate NY where we're from.... REAL Italian bread, REAL Italian cookies and cheese curd!! It was awesome! It felt like Christmas circa 1979. Minus the 30 cousins. After our big dinner, we did dirty Santa with gag gifts. I won a beer helmet, which I re-gifted to my son!
Christmas morning was great! My great-nephew Oliver is one years old, and it was just fun watching him. He loved the paper and boxes.
If you read any of my previous blogs, you know how I feel about Christmas and the gifts. My sister on the other hand, believes the more the merrier!! Which, is fine.... if you can afford to do so. Which she can. I still believe that one gift is sufficient, buuuuuuuut.... whatdayado?
The tree on Christmas morning was unbelievable. Gifts out the ass!! When you have to take a break after the first hour and a half of unwrapping to clean up the paper to make room for the next batch...... NUTS!!! Fun, but NUTS!!!
I'm still trying to decide if the Rachael Ray pots and pans from my mom and sister, my new FOSSIL purse, my Pajama jeans or my Sperry's are my fave!! I'm torn. I got so much stuff. Unbelievable. I drove home with two massive totes filled with goodies, the passenger seat loaded to the top of the truck and my seat pushed up as far as it would go just to fit it all in. Call me crazy, but, that's a little much,don't ya think?
Needless to say, everyone had a great Christmas! Not many people can say that they spend every Christmas with their ENTIRE family! 15 people sleeping under the same roof on Christmas Eve..... AWESOME!!!
We definitely put the FUN in dysfunctional this year!!!
So, one week from today, everyone will have opened their gifts, spent the day with family, ate too much and argued with at least one member of their family. It's tradition.
One week from Monday, the "cheery" people will go back to being their typical NON cheery selves. What is it with people around Christmas? Why do people try to change who they are? It kills me. I have lost the spirit of Christmas..... many years ago. It's too commercialized! What happened to the days of buying your kid a barbie, some clothes, and maybe, juuuuust maybe, a new bike? And we were happy with those things. Now it's, be at Wal-mart at midnight to stand in line for the new, hot off the press Elmo doll, the latest video games, smart phones and computers. You can't just go buy a Barbie and a pack of licorice and watch your kids eyes sparkle when they see A GIFT under the tree. Oh no..... now the kids are sitting under the tree with calculators adding up what their stuff costs and feeling let down if you didn't spend at least $500. They feel jipped! And they're only 7!
Ok, when I was a kid, we always had a great Christmas. My favorite part was, and still is, the stocking. Fill that sucker with fruit, a new toothbrush, a few trinkity toys....... I was ecstatic!! Yes, the gifts were nice and my mother used to go overboard a little, but nothing crazy. She didn't have to take a second mortgage out or sell her plasma to pay for it.
Nowadays, people charge, charge, charge from October through December.... never batting an eye, just, "charge it!" I know that using a credit card will make it feel like you have money and will make you spend that much more. But really people..... you do understand that, "YOU HAVE TO PAY THIS ALL BACK....WITH INTEREST," don't you?
So, these plastic millionaires are all happy and chipper during the holidays, but come January 5th..... it's all over but the crying.
I see so many phony people during the holidays and it makes me laugh. I know you're an asshole 11 out of 12 months, soooooooo, who are you trying to kid, walking around with your Capitol One card, acting like you bring home $100,000 a year? If you don't have the cash for it, YOU DON'T NEED IT!!! Stop trying to be someone you're not.
Kids these days don't even have a clue about the real meaning of Christmas. You don't have to attend a church to teach your kids. Our kids will never appreciate the value of a dollar if we just give them whatever they want, going into debt to get it. Why are we doing this? Why are we setting such bad examples? With the economy like it is, we should be giving our kids a $20 bill and a savings account and teaching them that you are helping them with their future. Not giving them a $400 smart phone........ that's really not very smart......
I just felt compelled to write this, hoping that maybe just one person might read it and say, "hey, that's me!! I'm a dumbass!"
On that note, to whoever celebrates Christmas for all of the right reasons, have a very Merry Christmas and a terrific New Year!! For the rest of you, enjoy your 15 minutes of feeling important because now, YOU HAVE TO PAY IT ALL BACK!!!! WITH INTEREST!!! ENJOY, DUMB ASS!!!!
Obviously from the date of my last post, I haven't bitched in a while. I've been too busy. Working, unpacking, sleeping.... you know, getting my priorities in order. Or have I?
Let's see, I still don't have one picture on the wall, some of my clothes are still in boxes and I've yet to locate all of my dvd's. What in the hell have I been doing for the last month??? Oh well.... it'll all be there over the weekend.
Also, if you haven't noticed, I haven't been on Facebook NEARLY as much! I'm getting so bored with the same old shit..... "my back is still hurting," "........is at Fat Charlie's," "is there anyone on here that can diagnose my car engine?? It's making a hiss, hiss, cough noise..?" I'll admit, I'm as guilty as the next guy for those comments, but, shit!!! I'm over it!!!! I want to start 2012 out in a positive, relaxed state!!! I'm over listening to everyone shit problems!! I'd say I have my own, but I really don't. I'm happy, content, getting fat...... you know how it is when you move in with a guy. It's love weight.... and I HATE IT!!!! Love D but man, his appetite is ABSURD!!!!!! Yet, he's still thin...... grrrrrrr.....
Now, with all that being said, I still like to bitch about the things that REALLY piss me off..... such as:
The Duggars..... yes, it's extremely sad that they lost their daughter prematurely. I think she was due in April. Now, I can see having a nice, PERSONAL memorial for her. NOT a memorial where a picture of the fetus is given to all attendees..... ARE YOU PEOPLE SMOKING THE BIBLE????? Who does that??? It was plastered all over Twitter today!!! The hand wasn't even as big as a fingernail!! I couldn't look..... I just couldn't believe it. I'm so sorry for their loss.... I truly am. But, maybe it's time to start looking into birth control. My one question is this.... with 19 kids and 2 grandchildren, where do they even find the time to have sex?? I work a ten hour day, don't have any children at home and can barely get the coffee ready for the next day without falling asleep..... by 8PM!!!! Sheesh!!
Oh, and what's this I hear??? Howard Stern is going to be a judge on "America's Got Talent?" Are you serious?? Ummm, I've seen some of the talent that he ooooogled on his show, and I'm pretty sure that NBC is NOT going to let a floozy, big floppy titted chick bend over a chair and let midgets whip her on the ass with a dead, three foot long salmon. Is he REALLY an ideal candidate??? And, if I'm not mistaken, didn't NBC FIRE him for his wonderful mouth back in the 80's??? Reality tv is really hitting the skids....... I guess that's why I just don't watch tv that much anymore..... nothing but garbage!!!
Well kids, time to get out of the bubbletub and go canoodle with my D!!!
If I don't post again before Christmas, I hope everyone has a fabulous Christmas and gets lots of goodies from Santa. Or, if you're an asshole, I hope you get NOTHING!!!! You know who you are!!
Peace out!~
Well, tonight is the last night I'll be spending in Tennessee. My U-haul is already in GA, my son is in Florida, and I'm here getting the last of it taken care of before heading out in the morning. I'm enjoying my last confession from THIS bubble tub. I started this blog over 2 years ago. This means I've spent a TON of time in the tub!! I hope that my new garden tub will also be inspiring and nurturing. This bubble tub has seen me through a lot of mad, happy, pissed, frustrated and crazy states of mind. So, on that note, let's make this a memorable blog, shall we?
First off, I want to say thank you to Todd Burfield, who totally came through for me and saved the day!! He is my hero and I am sooooo appreciative that I cannot even express it! Tina Gibson..... I love you girl! You are a WORK HORSE doll!! WOW!! Thank you for EVERYTHING!!! You totally rock and I love you!! I will miss you madly!! (You didn't kill me during my many meltdowns, and I appreciate that! :-) ) Jay, you are totally awesome and I really, REALLY appreciate your help also!! You make me not want to look at my Halloween decorations the same, but, you're OK in my book! LOL! Shan...... broken toe and all girl!!! WOW!!! It was so nice having you and Tina here today, on my last day here. I was feeling the empty nest thing and sad and y'all totally got me through it!! I am so looking forward to opening the door one day and y'all standing out there waiting!!!
This was/is such a HUGE life change. My son leaving, me leaving and moving to a new state...... TOTAL CHAOS for the last two months!! Finally, I'm starting to feel a little peace come back into my life. I'm so excited to move to GA and be with Darren. He is a great man and I know this is a great thing!! I've said it before, I'm a creature of habit and change is so hard for me. But I am totally proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and life as I've known it for 15 years and moving on. I have made many great friends in Tennessee and I'm proud to say I was a Tennessean (well, not from birth but, you know....) and I'm thankful for all of the opportunities I was afforded here. (still think the taxes are too damn high though!) So, now I'll be a ....Georgian?? A peach? What the hell will I be now?? Well, I'll always be a NEW YORKER!!
So stay tuned for my blogs from the new bubble tub! If I didn't get to see you before I left, I'm sorry, and don't take it personally. I have been working overtime at work for almost two months and packing after work and on weekends. Not excuses. I've been here at the same house for 5 years and NOBODY has ever needed an invitation to stop by..... just sayin.
Well, I guess this is it from The Bubble Tub! Peace out!
I've been watching a lot of reality tv lately for some reason. I guess insomnia is creeping in again and it's leaving me up at 3am channel surfing. I knew there was a lot of reality shows on but really? You've got cupcake shows, cake making shows, people trying to be a chef show, Pawn Shop shows, motorcycle making shows, tattoo shows, driving 18 wheelers on ice shows, swamp fishing shows, people who hoard way to much shit shows, people with 18 damn kids shows, stars trying to dance, stars trying to run businesses, stars airing their dirty laundry on their own reality show but demand privacy shows....... Holy crap, they're never ending!! And WE WATCH THEM!!!! I'll admit, I'm addicted to Dancing with the Stars and Keeping up with the Kardashian's. I knew LONG before Kim and Kris got married that it wouldn't last. He's so immature and she's so self-absorbed. I mean, who wears $200,000 diamond earrings into the ocean and then gets pissed when one is lost? What a silly ass. Though, I do think she is very pretty and she does work hard. I'll give her credit for that. But some of these other shows.... Hoarders?? Gross!! I wouldn't want my face on national tv while someone is going through MY fridge trying to get me to throw out a 5 year old wheel of cheese that has grown a fur coat, while I am weeping because I can't bear the thought of throwing it out..WHAT???The cupcake shows and the cake decorating shows? Why do we watch this? I mean, they're decorating frigin cakes people! Shouldn't we be watching CNN or FOX news, keeping abreast on how the President is going to screw us next? I bet more people than not know who Gordon Ramsey is but have no clue as to who Joe Biden is (our Vice President, and don't act like you knew that!)
What has become of cable tv? Growing up, you had Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Dallas, Knots Landing, The Michael Douglas Show, Golden Girls, Tic Tac Dough, The Price is Right and a few others. That's it. No Beavis and Butthead (I love them, though. Don't hate me!), no Teen Mom's, no Jersey Shore.... and ya know what?? We made it!! We survived without reality tv!! Whew!!
I was just reading an article about KK getting a divorce and felt compelled to voice my opinion. As far as I know, that right hasn't been taken away yet. I just wonder why she was paid $2 million dollars to have her wedding aired and I almost bet that Prince William wasn't paid a cent!! If he was, he probably donated it to a worthy charity, since he's very humble like that. The Kardashians totally makes themselves out to be nothing but money hungry fools, except for Khloe, Kourtney and Rob. I feel sorry for Bruce Jenner, but, after being in that family for 20 years, he's screwed and whipped, so, I guess he should have RAN a long time ago!! Get it, Bruce Jenner.... Ran??? Ok, I'm exhausted from all of this packing and starting to just be silly. My rant is over. Now off to watch some Dancing with the Stars!!
Well, I'm sitting in the retired Bitch Cave, watching the beautiful sun set, listening to a little Sir Paul, the raspy Mr. Stewart and a bevy of other classics, remembering some pretty fun nights spent in here. I'm having a very strange day. Sad, lonely, excited, scared..... you name it, I'm IT!! The empty nest syndrome has hit HARD this week. It's hard to even look at my son without getting the big lump in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes. That's my BABY!! See, I'm choking them back now, as I type this.
I have never been away from him for more than 2 weeks.... he's 23. I know, I know.... cut the apron strings. I'm trying. It's just very hard. We've been through EVERYTHING together! I try not to let him see me getting emotional, but shit, I'm emotional 24/7. He probably thinks I'm drunk or phycho.... uggghhh....
Not only am I feeling that, I'm getting scared. What if nobody likes me.... or GETS me. Will people understand me? Will they see that behind the cardigans, half-mittens and furry boots that I'm just a normal person? Will they appreciate my love for old, classic, TIMELESS music? Will they get my strange sense of humor? What if my only friends are Darren and the one lady at the complex who reminds me of Magda, on Something About Mary? What if nobody likes me????? I'm scared and excited at the same time. What will people think when I tell them me and my best friend J spent many a Friday nights drinking Merlot, teasing our hair like Snooki, or doing paraffin wax facials or watching Xanadu while doped up on percocet (hey, I had foot surgery and they were totally prescribed to me)? Will they be all jealous and secretly wish WE would do those things or will they avoid me every time they see me because they think I'm some freak??
I just try to imagine that I'm sitting in the pool, enjoying the hot GA sun, drinking a fun, fruity drink, writing my memoir and everyone is totally interested in what I'm doing and who I am! I just hope it doesn't go the opposite way and people think I'm some old, bat shit crazy, stuck in the 80's lady! Look, there is nothing wrong with secretly wishing that the original Journey featuring Steve Perry will get back together and do a 27 city southeast tour. It could happen!! Shit, Van Halen is back together with Wolfie on guitar, so, don't pooh pooh on my dream!!!
I'll be working from home so you know people will be wondering why in the hell I only come out at night! They'll think I'm some loony fruitcake who is afraid of sunlight and can only afford half-mittens, who drinks wine out of a glass that looks like a Goblet stolen from a renaissance festival or medieval times (hey, J and I drink are not the most graceful wine drinkers and those thin ass glasses are not NERD friendly! I broke one putting it IN the dishwasher....and the Dollar Tree had the goblets on clearance, 2/$1.00 after Christmas last year... shut up.). Uggghhh.... this should be interesting.
I will miss Tennessee and some of the wonderful things here..... the 4 seasons, even though it goes from summer to winter like, overnight, the beautiful sunsets, the feel of small town in a big city, the people I've met over the last 15 years, sitting in the cave listening to the high school band playing at the football games (like they're doing now), Jack's BBQ, Famous Chinese, the fact I can say "reckon" and nobody bats an eye, the opportunities that were given to me by the police department I worked for (crime scene tech?? I lose my car EVERY time I come out of the grocery store and they let me look for clues to crimes?? silly people.), the awesome fishing, my snow every year, even though it was only a few inches a year, meeting many country music artists, going to major award shows, sitting backstage at the Grand Ole Opry with Little Jimmy Dickens trying to get me into his dressing room....... lots of good memories. But, memories are just that. I have to go make new ones and move on with my life. It's time and I know it is. Doesn't mean I'm going gracefully, quietly or sanely. So, if you call or come by in the next two weeks and I have an emotional meltdown, I apologize now.
On that note, I'm going to go fill the goblet, run the tub, pour the bubbles and put on a face mask that's supposed to help your face look not-so-stressed. just wanted to add a few photos of some friends and things that have made me laugh, cry or cringe this week. Peace out, y'all!
And here's a video containing photos of the majority of my friends and Mitchell Oglesby singing. Spent many a night listening to this song and passing that damn tip jug, right Tina?? LOL! Good times!!
Well, I'm finally able to speak about what my good buddy J and her husband, Tim Culpepper, have been up to! Tim has been working on his video for his song, "Ghost!" If you love Keith Whitley, you'll definitely love Tim!! This is the country music that I want back on the radio!!! Good-bye Taylor Swift and Hootie, err, whatever his name is, HELLO COUNTRY!!! (This is the ONLY country music I have listened to in over a year!! Just sayin!) The video was filmed in Franklin, KY at Octagon Hall, one of the most haunted houses in the country!! The zombie dancers were headed up by my good friend, Tina Gibson! Jeanette was responsible for constructing the sets and everything else she did! I didn't see her for two months!!! So, congrats to everyone!! Video turned out great!!!
WOW!!! Where does all of this stuff come from?? I am going through the Christmas ornaments and decorations in my attic trying to consolidate the 15 Rubbermaid bins of Christmas stuff into, maybe, let's say, 3 bins. Not gonna happen!!! I have forgotten about most of this stuff. I mean, I have the entire set of Sesame Street character ornaments, the entire Star Wars series ornaments, the Shiny Brite ornaments I collect that are at least 50 years old, the ornaments that we put on our trees while I was growing up...... I can't part with that stuff but when in the hell will I do a Star Wars/Sesame Street themed tree? I can save it all for Nick so he can pass it down to his kids but that means, STORING ANOTHER BIN!!! Holy Crap!!! I have two trees.... why??? I don't know. I guess Lowe's had a clearance sale on them. Oh-mah-goodness! Not to mention, I have the LARGE ceramic Santa my mom painted in the 70's which I will NOT part with, the Mr. and Mrs. Claus that light up and move, the 50 nutcrackers that I collect, lights, wrapping paper, boxes, tags, tinsel, wreaths, poinsettia plants and the red dinner wear for the holidays...... OMG.... I hope Darren likes Christmas ALL YEAR LONG!!!
Am I the only person who has this much stuff? Is this a disease I have? Do I need to be on that show "Hoarders?" Uggghhh...... back to packing.....
Who doesn't love Cousin Eddie? This will get you in the Christmas spirit!!!
So, I was on my way to Macon to see Darren and pick out an apartment this weekend when this truck passed me. It was someone with a "handy-man" kind of business. He had advertisements all over the truck and a picture of The Pink Panther.. which, duh, I know that they use his picture on the pink insulation packages. Anyways, I drove all the way to Macon without the radio on because I've had so much on my mind and I was just doing a lot of thinking. WHEN IT HIT ME!!! The Pink Panther is... well, just that! A pink PANTHER!!! He's a PANTHER!!! I swear to you, this did not register with me until two days ago!! How did I NOT know this? I didn't watch the show much when I was a kid but I was aware of the show. I knew who the Pink Panther was. I swear to you, I had the biggest A-HA moment I think I've ever had!!! I seriously laughed my ass off for miles!! I just thought that was his name... like The Roadrunner or Yosimite Sam... WHO KNEW???!!?!?!? Just when I think that I may not have been a total waste of space in High School, things like this make me wonder how in the hell I went to college or was a Crime Scene Technician. WOW!! Just thought I'd share this to either make you laugh (at my expense) or make you go, "no shit!!! Really? I didn't know he was a PANTHER, either!" I did pull up some Pink Panther episodes on You Tube and was tickled to death to see that he liked the Bubble Tub too, apparently!! Heh..... a pink Panther... too funny!
Last night while I was packing up my bedroom, I was going through old pictures, cards, yearbooks.... getting side tracked and sentimental way too easily. Plus listening to my 80's classic rock station on Slacker Radio wasn't helping, either. But, it totally made me think about how carefree and easy my life was in my teens. I did everything I wasn't supposed to because I wanted to know WHY I wasn't supposed to! I just didn't except NO for any answer. I know I put my parents through hell, but, to be honest with you, I think it totally made me who I am today. My mom has always said, she knows no matter what situation I get into, that I'll always get out of it. I've never been one to just sit back and take what lies in front of me. If there is something that I want, I go for it! My son didn't get everything he always wanted, but, if there was something he did want, I did what I had to do to get it for him.
So, while I was packing, of course I was thinking about the what if's.... "what if" Darren thinks I snore too loud? or, "what if" nobody there "gets" me and I have no friends? You know, that nervous worrying that happens when you are about to change your life? But then, I had the TOM CRUISE A-HA MOMENT!! No, I didn't jump up and down on
the bed and profess my love for Kate...... I had THAT moment... when Tom Petty came on the radio singing Free Falling... it hit me!! I was getting ready to take that jump into my new life! This is going to be exciting! Life is supposed to be about changes and being happy and living for the moment! Right? (damn, I sound like a frigin cheerleader!) Yes, things are going to be a little stressful until I'm actually there, but, I am soooooooooooo looking forward to the changes. I'm such a creature of habit... this will be good for me! My son is moving to Florida, which, it makes me sad and every time I think about it, it makes me think of him growing up. Little league games, putting his dirty feet all over the walls, watching his eyes light up when I brought home a happy meal, first day of school...... ugggh. I want him to go and be like I was. I want him to do whatever it is that makes him happy. It's still sad, though.This is exactly what I needed. I've been in Nashville for 14 years. Don't get me wrong, I like Nashville and I've made a lot of great friends. I will miss them all very much because each one has brought something into my life. But it's time to move on and live for me. I have been so butt puckered over the last several years.... worrying about my job, my house, getting my son through high school and then college.... I just need to UN pucker and LIVE! Now, if I can just do this and stop worrying about every little thing, I should be one happy camper!!
Oh, and a side note, I have the EXACT same glasses as Tom Petty is wearing! Sorry Darren! They are timeless! Yep, I'm stuck in the 80's but hey, that's just who I am!!
I am an emotional wreck right now...... OMG...... my life as I know it and have lived it for the last 15 plus years is about to change drastically. For those who don't know me, I moved to Nashville 15 years ago. I'm originally from Watertown, NY. So that in itself was a HUGE change. Now, I'm experiencing the almost empty nest syndrome, moving to a new state, making new friends, hoping to keep my job, feeling out of place, state of mind. I am in a constant state of panic, fear, sadness and stress. I'm always nauseous.... I can't help it. I feel like that dude on the cartoon who always said, "which way did he go, which way did he go!" I can't think straight. I'm always second guessing everything I do. Ugghh.... I feel like I just need a constant wine drip to exist right now.
I went to GA over the weekend to see D and to look for a place to live. I was fine.... until I got there. Then it hit me. Panic... fear....OMG... I try not to let D know that I feel this way because I don't want HIM panicking, etc.... I had an emotional meltdown while I was there.I just got so overwhelmed that I just literally shut down. I couldn't and didn't even want to think about finding a new place to live. So much shit ran through my mind. The reality that I would not be near my son (we've been together since he was born....23 years ago!), the fact that I'm going to be giving up my mini-mansion with it's beautiful bubbletub, not seeing my bunnies everyday, knowing that my job is 11 miles away, sliding down the driveway in my basket, Sonic just around the corner.... then, the thought of being here alone, not with my D, made me so sad. I'm just a hot mess, I tell ya. I literally just shut down and went and got into the bed (at 3:00 in the afternoon) and cried myself to sleep. Why is this happening? Shouldn't I be thrilled? Shouldn't I be excited to start this new chapter? Poor Darren, he has listened to me flip flop my decisions back and forth so much he doesn't know if he's dating me or six different versions of me. He never knows who he's gonna get when he calls me. Calm Kerri. Sad Kerri. Whacko Kerri. Damn..... It got so bad that HE suggested I go have a glass of wine (he no longer drinks.....). If you know Darren, then you know I must have been WAY out there for him to suggest this. We went to Sticky Fingers for dinner over the weekend and I swear, it took everything I had not to cry onto my Memphis rubbed ribs..... I'm such a wiener.
So, anyone... HELP!!! How do I get the fuck out of this FUNK??? I am a creature of habit and change does NOT suit me well. Never has. Seriously, I'm afraid I'm going to literally have a stroke. Plus, I'm doing a LOT of emotional eating and THAT'S not helping me, either. Speaking of emotional eating, we are having a SNACK DAY at work for a lead who is leaving. I'm not emotional over that! I don't wanna snack. Why do I have to bring something in? Women walking around all day fillin' up their plates with cookies, sausage balls, bread, and whatever other shit they can eat....ALL DAY!! I HATE BEING BACK AT THE OFFICE!!!! I can't stand people talking to me. Constantly. I thought the newness of me being back at the office would wear off after a day or two. NOPE. A month later and people are still stopping by my desk shooting the shit. Look people.... I get here at 6am, LONG before any of your asses, put my headphones on, rock out to 80's music ALL. DAY. LONG. When you stop by, you are disturbing me. I don't tell you this because, well, I don't want to see you cry. But seriously, YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! I don't NEED anymore friends!!! UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....... ok, I'm gonna get out of this tub and go eat some ice cream, curl up in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep. Good night. Peace out.
If you know me, you know I've been working from home for the last year and a half. I was called back to work at the office two weeks ago. And I've got to tell you, IT'S CONSTIPATING ME!!!!!! No, REALLY!!!!
I'm one of those pooh-shy people.... you know, the one's who can't go at a rest area, restaurant, gas station, relatives house, etc.... It's like I get toilet shy. I don't know why. I just do. Honestly, this is like the worst thing about being back at the office.
I'm dealing with the fifty different smells coming from the kitchen at lunch time. I mean, no matter what anyone cooks, the shit always smells like re fried beans to me. Gross!!!! I bring everything I need with me in my lunch bag. There is NEVER a need for me to go into that nasty kitchen! I mean, why would you want to warm up your lunch in a microwave where every one's blown up shit, is hanging from the top of the microwave because they didn't cover their dish? Really, warm up a cup of coffee with a big pasta sauce loogie hanging over it, just waiting for the opportune time to fall into YOUR coffee....... disgusting! People are nasty. But again, I'm tolerating that.
But (no pun intended here), I have not and don't believe I will ever be able to stand the restrooms or the nasty ass shit that is in there. First off, I'm the one you hear two stalls down that sounds like they're in a wrestling match with a roll of wax paper! Yes, I LAYER the seat with the complimentary seat covers. And I'm obviously the ONLY one that uses them!!! I will only do this if it's an emergency pee situation! I cannot stand having to tinkle in a room with 8 other people!! It's disgusting! Again, it has to be a life or pee-your-pants situation for me to even enter the poo-troth!
My problem is this..... I come home on Fridays, bloated, stomach as hard as a brick and literally full of SHIT!!! I cannot seem to overcome my fear of public-poohing! I try, but, as soon as I think it's possible, I freeze! Someone walks in and totally messes up my momentum. Then I spend the next three minutes checking out their nasty ass, un-painted, cuticle covered toenails while they just pooh like it's no big deal!!! Farting, grunting....... What??? How can this not bother people?? Seriously, I've been with D for almost a year and there is no WAY I'd pooh in front of him!! I freak out if he walks in twenty minutes after the fact!!! He probably wonders why there is an overwhelming smell of Clorox, hairspray, Axe and perfume coming from the bathroom! I just can't do it..... When I was working from home, I had a routine. No problems what.so.ever.
So, this past Friday, when I got home, I was in agony! I felt like I would have sunk to the ocean floor if someone threw me out of a boat! I was in soooooo much pain. So, I bought me some WOMEN'S gentle, yet effective overnight relief laxatives. I figured, heck, what could it hurt? I take my little pink "wonder pill", went to bed with the thoughts of sleeping in, being lazy.... ahhh..... UGGGHHHHHH..... 4 am....A.M.... Saturday morning, my "gentle yet effective" relief was kicking in. I thought I was having a bad dream.... that I was having labor pains!!! That shit HURT!!!! Who invented the laxative??? A 500 pound man, obviously!!! This was the worst pain EVER!!!!!!! I will NOT be taking those again!! WOW! So, here it is, Monday, day one of the week long POOH-STRIKE. I hate the office...........
The collectible Smurfs at McDonald's, 10 cents off a gallon of gas by buying my groceries at Kroger, Darren's soft skin, this ginormous salad from Chick-Fil-A that I'm eating in the tub, that' I'm finally growing balls and getting ready to tell some fair weather friends to fuck off, Nikki Sixx "Sixx Sense" CD (thanks Dustin!), the big chocolate Frosty sitting in the freezer waiting for me, I have a job, my son is a computer geek and his friends come and stay with us and they look at my computer..... for free :-), because they enjoy it (and they are great kids, too), my bubble tub, Meet the Kardashian's on TV, this olive oil based hair mask that's been on my head for almost an hour, getting a coupon in the mail for a box of free hair coloring from Garnier, that my muffin top is slowly deflating (thanks to the 350 crunches everyday),Foldger's Black Silk coffee in the morning while I Skype my man, my memory foam pillow I can't wait to lay my head on later, my comfy sheets, and my big ole' glass of unsweet tea!
The reason I posted all of the things I like right now is because I didn't want to start it off ranting and raving!!! Like this:
I absolutely fucking hate fair weather friends!! If you're my friend, then you're my friend. Period! Not when it's convenient for you, not when I'm doing the things you want me to do or what you like.... but ALL the time!!! Fuck that!!! Over it!! NEXT!!! I hate that my sunflower seeds keep falling off of the fork into my frigin tub, my computers', yes, both of them, are broken, the fact that the company I currently work for did not even bother to give me an interview for a job that I applied for (they gave it to another employee before the job posting was even over!! Assholes!), getting home with above said big ole' glass of unsweet tea only to realize, IT'S SWEETENED!!! Morons! I hate that some people are soooooo judgemental, arrogant, ungrateful, lazy, lying mother F'ers and are treated like some kind of royalty! WTF?? I hate when a relative TRIES to make you feel guilty..... I don't feel guilty about ANYTHING I'm getting ready to do, mind you, it just PISSES me off that people just don't know how to say, "Good for you!" or "How exciting!"...... buzz kills. I'm pissed off that every single pair of pants that I buy for work has to be hemmed because I'm vertically challenged! So, the pants I got on sale for $20 just turned into a $50 pair of pants. $11 to hem, and $10 a leg to taper (can't stand the bell bottom look.... ewwwww!) Why couldn't I have grown just another inch or two???? WHYYYYYYYY???????? I hate the fact that I have to get up and SKYPE my man instead of being there next to him having coffee.
I've had a shit'tastic day today. If it could go wrong, it did. I always seem to be one up on life and then boom, I'm one step back. Grrrrrrrr..... So, I'm going to fish the sunflower seeds outta this tub, rinse my hair mask that is probably like plaster to my head now, go eat my big ass frosty, screw the crunches tonight, and watch some shit TV! So I can wake up bright and early and go slave at my job for the jackasses that wouldn't even get me a frigin' interview!!!! FML!!!!!!
That is all........
Do you know what it's like to actually hear someone call themselves an alcoholic? It leaves you speechless. Well, it did me, anyways. You all of a sudden become conscious of the words, beer, alcohol, drink...... and I notice I even catch myself trying to NOT use words like, choco-aholic or shop-aholic.
I've recently had the pleasure of watching someone admit they have a problem and take charge of their life and go to a detox facility. I say pleasure, because even though it was probably the hardest thing they've ever done in their life, I watched that person make the decision to live. It was bittersweet. It hurt knowing what they were going to endure there, but it was such a great, happy feeling knowing that this person would be around for many years to come!
I'm trying to respect that person by not saying the words alcohol, beer, etc.... But am I really helping them? Won't they have to eventually confront ALCOHOL in some way, shape or form? Whether it be at the grocery store, in a restaurant, a friends house? I'm personally trying to NOT put this person in a glass house, but it's very hard. You want to protect them but when actually, they are the only one's that can protect themselves. Who's to say that watching someone else drink would make them weak and feel like they needed a drink? This is something they'll have to figure out on their own. There is nothing I, or anyone else can do, to shut off the world around them. It sucks, but I guess that's part of recovery. Finding the triggers.
My friend has not had a drink in thirteen days. They are filling their time with things that they didn't normally do. I am in total awe of this person. They have really turned their life around. Yes, it's only been thirteen days. One day at a time. This person is going through one on one counseling, instead of the ever so popular AA. I was kind of sceptical at first about not going to AA. Isn't this how everyone goes through recovery? Well, I'm sure not everyone, but, a good majority of the people. AA may be the best thing for some, I'm not knocking that organization at all. I'm just saying, this person has come a long ways in almost two weeks with the help of counselors and by reading the book, "The Secret." I've also been reading the book and I can totally see why it's aiding them in their recovery. It basically states the obvious about everything. Things we don't necessarily think about everyday. "Thoughts become things." "Like attracts like." It really makes you stop and look at how what we do or say brings that exact same thing into our lives. If you think nothing but negative thoughts, only negative will come into your life. I guess it's like that old saying, "you are what you eat." If you eat nothing but junk food, well, you know you will not be healthy. It's a really good book for all of you negative thinkers!!!
I've started going to Al-Anon meetings. I guess I wanted to go so I could be around other people who know recovering alcoholics and just see how other people are handling it. Yesterday, the topic at the meeting was not focusing on the problem, but focusing on the solution. The problem WAS alcohol. Now it's time to get on to the solution. Again, it's going to be a long road, but I have total faith in this person and I see that they TRULY want this. They are such an inspiration to me!! I cannot even express in words how proud of them I am! I'm so happy, I just want to eat cake! :-)
To my best friend- You are an amazing person! I am so, SO proud of you and I love you with all of my heart and soul!! Now get me some cake! LOL!
I know, it's been a month since I've posted anything on here. Trust me, I've had plenty to say, but didn't really have time to blog. Ok, that's a lie. I was too busy watching Dancing with the Stars and just being lazy.
I've been spending most of my time tanning so I can be nice and brown before my annual Florida beach vacation, which is coming up June 30th. Ten days on the beach..... ahhhh.... Tanning on a lawn chair on a concrete driveway sucks, but, what do you do?
I'm also contemplating a move out of state. More than likely, I'll be heading to Savannah, GA. This is going to be a big move. It's going to piss some people off (my family, especially) but I have to do what I think is best for me, and frankly, Savannah is the most beautiful place I've ever been. Spanish moss hanging from the trees, Tybee Island, Savannah Candy Shoppe...... need I say more? I'll only be a few hours away from friends and family and now, they'll have no reason to not come and see me.
I have figured out in the last month that I am NEVER going to please everybody and I need to stop worrying about it. I need to be happy FIRST!!! Tybee Island makes me very happy! Now, just doing it will be my next major hurdle. I'll work on that later. One thing at a time.
So, on that note, I just wanted to get my mind ready for my typical summer blogs about too short shorts, unpolished nails and manscaping (aka man bashing)! Let the bash.... I mean, blogging begin! Oh, FYI, if you live here in Tennessee and you plan on tanning for the next week or so, do NOT use tanning OIL. Use a lotion...... it's very hard to run from a cicada while he is stuck to you like glue because he's weighed down by the oil. Trust me, you can run all you want, but his ass ain't going anywhere!!! Just a tip!
I actually wrote this Monday, but, I waited to post it...... I was VERY pissed! Still am.......
People amaze me!
Yesterday, Osama Bin Laden was shot and killed by Seal Team 6. ST6 is a Tier-One counter-terrorism force similar to the Army's elusive Delta group. Folks, this is HUGE!! No, it's not the end of terrorism but it has removed one of the most evil men on this planet and maybe it has given people who lost loved ones on 9/11, hopefully a little bit of closure. So WHY??? WHY are we criticizing WHO made the kill? I'm stunned. I actually had a "friend" on face book who posted on face book this morning, and I quote, " yah!! OBL is dead! Thank God it wasn't the Marines that took him out! Go SEALS!" Ok, first off, ARE YOU F'ING SERIOUS??? Why would you bash ANY branch of the military? They ALL play a part in protecting us EVERY-SINGLE-DAY!!! They ALL put their lives on the line for our freedom!! HOW DARE YOU??? My nephew served in the Marine's and did two tours in Iraq! I have friends whose husbands or kids are over there fighting! Would you walk up to them and laugh in their face because they are a Marine? Or an infantryman in the ARMY? YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN SERVED IN THE MILITARY!!! OMG, this has pissed me off to no end. You are a piece of shit!! If you feel it necessary to bash any member of the military, I dare you to do it to their face! You are a musician! How does this compare? Please, do tell????
Sorry, but that really pissed me off and I had to vent! I have Uncles that were in the MARINES and were in Vietnam, my son's father was in the ARMY and served in Desert Storm, my nephew was a MARINE and served two tours in Iraq, my son has friends who are in the ARMY and MARINES serving in Iraq! How dare anybody say hateful things about people that risk their lives for ALL OF US!! Shame on you!!!
I, for one, am thankful for ALL of the service men and women who serve our country, TO PROTECT US!!!
No, I am not an Obama fan. But I do not believe that today is the day to criticize him. Yes, he will be remembered for this FOR SURE! And????????
WOW!!! I am a total shit-weather magnet, I swear!!
So, My D and I planned a good little weekend out. I checked the weather before I headed down to Macon and the WORST it showed was cloudy skies. I can deal with that. Looked at going to a Braves game on Friday and Saturday (D has never been to a pro-baseball game so, it wasn't to see the Braves.... it was just for the experience only. They played the Mets.... come on). Anyway, go figure, it rained on Friday. No problem. Just hung out with D and had a good time, regardless of the rain (get your mind out of the gutter) and no ballgame. Watched the weather Friday night and it called for some rain over night but Saturday afternoon was going to be really nice. Cool. Plan A still a go. Or so I thought. I woke up at about 5 am Saturday morning (we stayed at a hotel Friday night) and went outside for a smoke. It was a little breezy.... ok, a lot breezy, but at 5 am, I was too tired to notice. Though I did hear a siren. Not your typical police siren.... this siren was constant. I thought, "hmmm, this is an odd time to be having an air raid siren test (we had an air raid siren across the street from my house growing up, so, it wasn't unusual for me). I went back into the room and D was up so we decided to get up and have our coffee and go outside and smoke. Well, the wind had picked up quite a bit, but again, nothing untolerable. THEN, the lights went off.... at the hotel, the street lights, EVERYTHING!!! ummmmm..... hmmm.. Kerri does NOT like the dark.... AT ALL! So, needless to say, they requested that everyone GATHER in the lobby and the breakfast room, since it was the first and safest floor......BECAUSE THERE WAS A TORNADO THAT JUST TOUCHED DOWN A MILE OR SO AWAY!!!! Now, at 5 am, you would think everyone would be groggy and sleepy. OH HELL NO! I think we had a bunch of women who were on their first "girls weekend away" trip. They were acting like a bunch of teenage girls. Huddling, squealing, acting like a bunch of cattle being hearded in to the barn. Darren and I just sat by the window, having our coffee. Of course we heard the, "GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!" First off, do not tell me what to do. But, especially don't tell Darren what to do! That is a big NO NO!! Secondly, the tornado had already come and gone at this point and there was no wind or rain. THE ELECTRICITY WAS OUT!!! Jeesh!!! These people were on the verge of singing Kumbaya... holding hands, sitting in a circle, freaking out because there would be no hot breakfast served due to no power. Really? You think you'll perish from not having breakfast?? Ok, maybe I'm becoming a TORNADO PRO, due to having two hit near me within a month and one taking part of my roof off... I don't know. I do know this.... after the tornado hits and the wind and rain stop, it's over. That's it. These people were acting like we were being hit with the tsunami that hit Japan and we were just all going to die here.
These people were just SO loud and SO dramatic..... uggghhh..... The lady who makes breakfast was being heckled because there would be no hot breakfast! So out comes the fruit, cereal bars and anything else she could get her hand on. I swear these women thought we were dying! Calling people on their cell phones, panicking, doing the, "if I don't make it, hug the dog for me," kind of shit..... uggh.. Darren and I went back upstairs, in the dark, and went back to bed. Got up and it was BEAUTIFUL out.
The point of this story is this....... if you are planning on doing anything outdoors, DON'T INVITE ME!!! I bring tornados....... I'm a shit weather magnet. Other than that, a GREAT weekend with my D! Oh, and by the way, the last time I went to Macon, yep, you guessed it, they had a tornado. I rest my case.
Wow... nothing like having a day dedicated to reinforcing the fact that you are NOT perfect. Jeesh.....
It started off with a phone call basically stating the obvious....I'M NOT PERFECT!! I'm ok with the fact that I'm not perfect. But to be berated first thing in the morning?? Ummm, NO! I cannot and will not deal with that! Especially over shit that is not worth arguing about. I am forty years old... please don't treat/talk to me like a naive little child. There is nothing worse than someone putting you on a pedestal and when you do something that, to the normal person, wouldn't be that big of a deal, you are treated like you just stole their best friend and cut their heart out. WTF?
Not only that, I woke up this morning in AGONY!!! I couldn't even roll over. I raked and bagged leaves ( 15 total bags) yesterday and I am seriously paying for it today. My calves hurt, my glutes hurt, my back hurts,my shoulders hurt, my forearms hurt, my hands have blisters on them and my neck is sensitive to the touch!! OMG!!! Two muscle relaxers, a 40 of Miller Lite and a hot bath did NOT help it at ALL!! So, here it is, Sunday, and what am I doing? Sitting in the recliner, ON THE HEATING PAD LIKE AN OLD PERSON!!!!
Before I got comfy in the recliner, I went to Target to order my new glasses. When the old dude helping me was all excited about the fact that my new bifocal, PROGRESSIVE lenses are just like his, I felt the gray come into my hair follicles at lightning speed. How can this be??? I had 20/20 vision about 5 years ago. How did I go from PERFECT vision to progressively NOT perfect? Regardless, I ordered them because frankly, I CAN'T SEE SHIT!
I know I'm not perfect and nothing about me is perfect. Nobody is. But, I am who I am and if that's not good enough, well, I don't know what to tell you.
What a crap-ass day!! Rain... wind.... blah....
I'm sitting in my bubble tub, of course, thinking about things that have been going on in my life lately. Needless to say, some things I'm not very happy about. Recently, I was pretty much called a liar. OK, let me just clear the air here real quick. One, I DO NOT LIE!!! If I change my mind, well, that doesn't make me a liar. Indecisive, selfish.... maybe. A liar? Not a chance in hell. Trust me, if I don't like something or don't want to do something, I'll tell you straight out!! So, on that note, kiss my ass! I'm tired of trying to defend myself.
I've also come to the conclusion recently that I'm too frigin nice! WTF is wrong with me? I cater to people because I genuinely care about them and then get shit on. How can people do that? And why in the hell do I keep letting it happen? NO MORE!!!
I'm all about Kerri right now and what makes ME happy!!! You don't like it? Oh well, I'm sorry..... fuck off then.
Today, I'm lying in the tub, my pore cleansing face mask drying on my face like hot, red clay in the Georgia sun (hoping it pulls all the wrinkles and blemishes OUT), candles burning, radio blasting.... just all about me. I'm also not answering my phone or text messages today. I see a big glass of wine (I said one glass and it is after 12:00 for you bible beating hypocrites), Jersey Shore marathon (yeah, a little juice head Guido marathon is more accurate),my recliner, a nap and then some writing later on. Yep. That's my day.
So, watch out, the NEW and IMPROVED Kerri is getting ready to emerge. You think my blogs are nasty now? You ain't seen nothin' yet!!! No more Miss Sensitive (believe it or not, I really am an overly sensitive person. I know previous blogs would make you think differently)...... I just read Snooki's article in Rolling Stone and ya' know what? She may look like a little sausage but that girl is honest and doesn't give a shit what people think about her!! She is who she is and look where it's taking her? She's not perfect, that for sure, but she doesn't let people shit on her and calls them out when they try to. She's my new hero! I will not be sporting the Snooki pouf or the tight dresses. I don't want to be her clone. I just want to have the confidence of that pint size sausage in a baby sock (and to think I didn't like her at one point. That's what you get for judging someone without really knowing them).
Well, time to rinse the mask and have some wine.
Phil Collins says it best........
Lord help me..... seems like every year, when I go to Target on the one nice day that feels like Spring is almost here, I run into the person who got so excited to wear summer attire that they left the house looking suck-tastic! Last year, I had the run in with the guy with the shorty-shorts on and the chia pets UN GROOMED!!! This year, it's the woman with the feet that are so dry and flaky and cracked, wearing NICE sandals..... WTF? Do you people not do a "look over" before you head out the door? First off, I hate feet! I only like my own. But, when it's time to lose the socks and wear sandals, I exfoliate, exfoliate, EXFOLIATE!!! Then, I do a major pedicure, you know, to soften up the skin, make it look like I didn't just step in a pile of cigarette ashes and plaster of paris.THAT IS SO FRIGIN NASTY!!!! They just look all rough and crusty.... ewwwwww!!!! I hope you don't have expensive sheets on your bed!!! You'll cut them bitches up with your heels getting in.
I don't know why this annoys the shit out of me! It just does. I think everyone should take care of themselves before exposing your feet for the summer. My feet look good all year long.... because I DON'T want to have to buy new sheets every other week! Plus, it just feels good.
I guess it's just that time of year...... I'm growing to hate the end of winter/beginning of Spring. It grosses me out, honestly. Oh, and what about the legs... all dry and flaky.... uggghhhh!! They make fucking lotion, people!!!
Oh hell, at least it gives me something to blog about. Happy almost Spring, people!
Peace out~
I've been in a funk over the last few weeks and I'm really starting to irritate the shit out of myself. Is it the weather? Is it the anticipation of receiving my divorce papers? Is it the unknown of where my life is headed to now? I don't know.... and even a bottle of Little Penguin Merlot is not helping me out.I can't concentrate on any one thing for more than a nano-second, it seems. I've also fallen into this selfish mode. I think about me and me only and let me tell ya, that is NOT cool. When people you love say, "Um, what the eff? Did you forget I'm here?", that's a sign that your head is apparently up your ass. I have always tried to make people know that I care about them and want them around. Lately, I just push people out the door. Literally.
Not only that, I'm getting pissed over the crap going on in the world.
Take for instance, my neighbor. A 16 year old kid.... conspired with two friends at school to kill his parents. WHAT???? So, last week, the two other boys showed up at his house and shot him instead?? WTF? Craziness. Now I'm afraid to sit in the Bitch Cave and enjoy a nightcap. Great..... Losers. Jody, I'm getting a gun.... soon.....
I have nothing nice to say about anything right now. I have friends that seem to think that my life is just as normal as it ever was, not thinking I may be dealing with a lot of stress due to the impending dissolution of my marriage. No, don't ask if I'm ok..... don't worry that I'm sitting here stressed, pulling my hair out, feeling like a failure.... nah.... let's turn it into why I'm not my same old self and how it is a shock that I am not the ME you knew 6 months ago. Shit... Really??? If you were my friend, then, I guess you should understand that I'm not really myself right now. And just fucking leave it at that. Or hell, just pop in one day and take a look for yourself! I'm in the nurturing Kerri mode right now.... I'm not into making sure other people are feeling all warm and fuzzy. (Read paragraph two again) Oh,I forgot your birthday? Well excuse the piss outta' me. I was kind of busy.... drowning in a bottle of Merlot!!!!
See, nothing nice is going to come out of this blog. I should end it right here, but shit, I'm on a roll.
Here's another tidbit of info..... if you have "Baby Mama Drama" issues, PLEASE, PLEASE.... DON'T POST THAT SHIT ON FACE BOOK. Are you ignorant? First off, we know that baby mama drama stems from the Mama not likin' the Daddy being happy or having a life. So, take the drama to Judge Whapner if it's that frigin important. Nobody needs to know that you're a jack-ass!! Oh, and for you hypocrites, writing nasties on Face book about someone and then telling that said someone later on that you're sorry and you're going to go pray on it...... go eat shit please. You are a crazy person and EVERYONE knows it. Prayers, lying about your education, exorcisms'...... we know you people are nuts.... you really don't need to put it out there for the world to see. You're only humiliating yourself.
OK, well, this is why I haven't been blogging,..... not too many nice things to say.
Just happened to notice that I haven't bitched...,. I mean, blogged, in a few weeks. Why you ask? I have no idea. Kind of been in a funk. Or I could still be in shock after receiving my out-frigin-rageous electric bill!!! Crap, don't get me started on that again!!
Let's see, what have I been doing....... well, I redid my living room and now it's a comfy, cozy, lay in the recliner, junk food eating, Jersey Shore watching womb. It's my happy place. Which, unfortunately, is not helping the muffin top issue that has crept up again. See, I quit hula-hooping and look what happened. I was even going to the gym 3 nights a week but since we got all that snow, I refuse to leave the house for anything other than the necessities..... wine, smokes, coffee.... you see where I'm going with that. I'm going to Florida for a few days next week and when I get back, it's back to the gym to widdle the muffin.
I'm in the process of outlining my new book. I've gotten some of it written and working on a proposal as we speak. SOMEONE PLEASE HIRE MY ASS TO WRITE!!!!!!!! Who wouldn't want a witty, smart-mouthed, tell-it-like-it-is writer representing their company?? I've seen some crappy books out there lately and figured the authors must have self published or blew the publisher because I now use those books pages as coasters, tissues, fire starters and whatever else they may be good for. Certainly not good for reading.
So, anyways, I'm back and I'm on a mission! Watch out New York Times Best Sellers List!!!!
I'm in a pissy/tired mood and I'm just gonna do a little venting, so, sit tight and don't get your panties in a wad. This is just how I'm feeling.... right this second.
First.... Ted Williams. The "homeless guy with the golden voice." OK, yep, it was a nice, touching, gotta love second chances kind of story..... THE FIRST TIME. I never sit down and watch tv but today I decided to eat my lo mein OUTSIDE of the bubble tub. I know, right??? Anyways, I turned on Inside Edition and guess who?? Ted Williams. Ok, so it was a touch annoying but I dealt with it. Then, after commercial break, guess who again?? Ted Williams. This time it was Oprah talking about how she wants to hire him. (He should be pretty jazzed cause if Oprah looks at it, touches it, farts on it..... it turns golden!) Commercial. Oh, wow, guess who's on during this next segment? TED FRICKIN WILLIAMS!!! This time his children are watching him on tv, blowing him kisses, ya da ya da ya da. They acted like they hadn't seen him in decades. Which, is not true. Since his one daughter was telling how he comes and bathes and washes clothes at her house. That's besides the point. Look, here's my problem. You have a man that was a drug addict, an alcoholic and homeless. In less than 24 hours, he's been given job offers by Oprah, NBA folks want him to be the voice of the Cavaliers (I have no clue who they are but Darren, ya better be proud!), and he's already done one commercial... a voice over for Kraft mac and cheese. They are shooting this man all the way to the top in a matter of hours. He lived in a tent for shit's sake! Let the man get used to living like a MAN again... THEN bog him down with this crap. You don't think any of this might send him spiraling back down???
I did see, like a two second clip, of this woman who was doing yoga, with her naked infant, holding it by the wrists and ankles, swinging it back and forth, upside down, behind her back.... WTF??? Then that was it. Um, I hope someone called protective services on her ass!!! Really? Oh, wait, more Ted Williams.
Then, to top off the broadcast, some fine Nashvillian's, representing....... yes, the 77 year old grandmother who was arrested on New Year's Eve, driving drunk down the interstate in Nashville...... THE WRONG WAY!!! With her drunk ass grandson sleeping in the passenger seat. Nice.
This is why I don't watch tv during the day.
Maybe this is why I got a fortuneless fortune cookie today........... hmmmph.
