I can't cut it with a spoon.....

I took my son out to eat tonight kind of as a celebratory dinner. He got his first job since being in college. He will be designing a website for a book company. So we went to eat Chinese. I love how everything is basically in two-bite size. Even though crab rangoons can be eaten in two bites, I prefer to take one massive bite! They're my favorites! I was really shocked to see a piece of meat.... a steak, laying out in the open air on a little wooden cutting board with ONE steak knife lying next to it. I wasn't going to eat the steak, I was just looking at how dried out and lifeless it was. I wondered how many people had breathed on it, since it wasn't under the glass hood. It was just all alone.... on the piece of wood. Then it dawned on me.... there are no steak knifes...... how would one eat this "steak" even if they dared? So, just out of curiosity, I asked our waitress, who, for the first time in years, brought us our UNsweet tea! (We usually have to send it back at least once because they always bring us sweet tea. Nothing worse than taking a big gulp of tea, only to realize when it's halfway down your throat that it's loaded with sugar!!! Nasty!!) Anyway, her response to me was, "aww- u cut wit'spoon!" .....Interesting.......

Nutty Buddy....not to be confused with the Warrior Nut Hut

Who the hell thought this was necessary?? I mean, yes, I understand the need to have a cup. I played hockey so I get that. But an infomercial? Using zingers like, "take a 90 mile heater to the peter" and "taking cheese right to his crackers!" I really think this guy is enjoying having a "90 mile heater" hit him in his balls!! Is this really something guys do? Do you call each other on the phone and say, "yeah, Bob? Um, how bout we head out to the field and blast each others nuts with fast balls then head out to Hooters for wings?" To really get the humorous effect, you should watch this after a few beers!! I figured I'd post this since I'm sure guys were getting tired of looking at my neck toning gadgets and shake weight tutorials!! Enjoy!!

Facebook: The new "other woman"

Admit it.... you're addicted to facebook like everyone else! You love to log on to see if you have any new friend requests, new messages, a new "poke", a virtual hug, your daily horrorscope (spelled incorrectly on purpose), a beer sent to you from friends or someone wanting you to join a fan club.  You know that you add "friends" so when your real friends (the one's that know you on a personal level) go to your page and see you have over 500 "friends", they'll think you are the cat's ass!!!! I know, I do the same thing.  I was just on facebook and was looking at the stuff people were writing. Then I thought, "who the hell is that, and how did they get to be my friend?" I don't care that they just had TJ's big boy for lunch.  Why are you filling my page up with that crap! So, I go through the monthly ritual of deleting those friends.

I have come to the conclusion that Facebook is nothing but a virtual meatmarket. Yeah, you can catch up with your old friends and even talk daily to the friends you actually see everyday. Not that that's a bad thing.... I do that almost everyday. But I've had two friends already this week tell me, "that guy I went out with last week, you know, the hot one I met on FB, he was MARRIED and FAT!!" They would meet these guys by going to their "friends" pages and striking up "friendships" with these guys.  No, the picture of him with his wife wasn't on his profile, or the picture of his wedding band, in-laws, children, etc........ and you know why? Because he didn't want you to know!! FB is cheaper than eharomny or any of those other online dating sites. It's free! Like with every other thing in this world, you get what you pay for.

The majority of my "friends" on FB are real friends..... either from high school, current friends, people I know from our local hangouts.... you get the idea. I would not go looking for a man on there for two reasons; one, I'm married and two..... it's common sense that someone is going to put up a GOOD picture of themselves and not the uncut, unedited version. Unlike me, I put them all up! Who cares! We all need to be able to laugh at ourselves.

"Forgive me father, I have sinned. Please expunge it from my record."

I was talking to an old friend tonight and somehow we got on the subject of men cheating. Yes men, I know, women cheat too, but this story isn't about a woman. So get over it.  This is about a man.... well, a male. Real men don't cheat. So, we were discussing how this "male" had an affair or two. Even though he was married....even though he had children. Well, now, since he was caught, he has "found God". Was he lost? Where was he all that time you were cheating? Behind the couch? I truly think finding God has given him the easy way out. It's making his conscience clear. Just like people in prison.  They know they did wrong, but somehow, finding God makes them believe that the people that were hurt by them and their actions, will forgive them more easily if they throw the God card in there.  This is just my personal opinion. Don't go all ape shit over it.  It's just me venting. Wrong is wrong.....whether God is in your life or not.  We are all taught from an early age right from wrong.  If you're married and want to cheat, get out of the marriage.  Why make it that more painful for the NON-CHEATING spouse?? "I cheated because I was unhappy. So unhappy that I didn't want to tell you I was unhappy. I just wanted to hurt you instead." Ummmm........ that's so chicken shit it's not even funny! So men...... AND WOMEN, be a real man or woman, and if you cheat, admit you're a shit head. Take whatever lickins you get because obviously you deserve it, and STOP saying you're a changed man, that you are a good, Christian man. Cause a TRUE, good Christian man, would have never done that to begin with.
Now, on another note..... I feel like I'm getting fatter by the minute and it's depressing the hell out of me. So, why, WHY am I writing this blog with a bag of Oreo's and a big glass of milk? Double stuf Oreo's at that! Grrrr.... time to get the shake weight back out. I don't want MY butt jiggling like J-E-L-L-O!!!!!

This is my first blog by text! I'm sitting in my truck at lunch and need something to do! It's raining and cold and I just want to be home in my comfy pants! Soon, I'll be working from home in my comfy pants! Yay!!!!!

The Oscars: MY red carpet watch

I'm going to do my own "Red Carpet" people watch; from the point of view from someone who doesn't know the difference between Rania Salibi and the Target designers! You may not agree with me, but, that's the joy of living in America! We can agree to disagree!!
Ok, so here we go.......

Sandra Bullock- Looks like a silver Oscar.... what's up with the HOT PINK lipstick? I give it a 7 ( I love her though..... just not the outfit!)
Matt Damon- There's nothing bad I can say about what he's wearing. He could wear a suit made of duct tape and he'd make it sexy! a 10++++!!!
Jennifer Lopez- can you say, PROM? Lilac??? Big side bow? mmm.... no likey.... give it a 6
Sarah Jessica Parker- I like it! Different, but I like it! Her hair, not so much. I'll give her a 9.5
Cameron Diaz- give her a 10! She could never look bad...
Miley Cyrus- Cute dress..... that's the only thing I have nice to say. She'll receive an 8.
Jeff Bridges- Movie's over dude!! Shave the tri-colored beard already!
Gabourey Sidibe-(Precious) the dress, it's not precious at all! Looks like drapes! love the color but the cut..... nerrr.... give it a 6
Meryl Streep- She's just classy! She's a 10!
Neil Patrick Harris- WTH ?? He's so..... glittery! The Oscars have really changed......
Penelope Cruz- H-O-T! That dress is amazing!! a 10+++++

Who built the drive thu at Chick-fil-A? A man?

Ok, so I stopped at Chick-Fil-A for dinner and the line was at a stand still at the drive thru. Of course, only after I pulled in and two others pulled in behind me. You see, you can't drive around the cars if you want out. The drive thru is lined with shrubs and a steep embankment. So, you're screwed if you need to get out or just get tired of waiting. Well, I don't live far from Chick-Fil-A so, I didn't think I needed to go home first but mother nature waited until I got blocked in. Then, about 20 minutes later, I got to place my order. By this time, I was squirming in my seat, eyeballing my empty coffee mug. I'm serious, that's not a joke. For the men, well, I guess that's what the shrubs are for. Which leads me to believe a man designed the drive thru. So, just a word of advice...... go inside the restaurant! At least if you have to wait, and you have to GO, you can just, GO..... Yes, I did make it home. Coffee mug unharmed.