Free Fallin'

Last night while I was packing up my bedroom, I was going through old pictures, cards, yearbooks.... getting side tracked and sentimental way too easily. Plus listening to my 80's classic rock station on Slacker Radio wasn't helping, either. But, it totally made me think about how carefree and easy my life was in my teens. I did everything I wasn't supposed to because I wanted to know WHY I wasn't supposed to! I just didn't except NO for any answer.  I know I put my parents through hell, but, to be honest with you, I think it totally made me who I am today. My mom has always said, she knows no matter what situation I get into, that I'll always get out of it. I've never been one to just sit back and take what lies in front of me. If there is something that I want, I go for it!  My son didn't get everything he always wanted, but, if there was something he did want, I did what I had to do to get it for him.
So, while I was packing, of course I was thinking about the what if's.... "what if" Darren thinks I snore too loud? or, "what if" nobody there "gets" me and I have no friends? You know, that nervous worrying that happens when you are about to change your life? But then, I had the TOM CRUISE A-HA MOMENT!! No, I didn't jump up and down on
the bed and profess my love for Kate...... I had THAT moment... when Tom Petty came on the radio singing Free Falling... it hit me!! I was getting ready to take that jump into my new life! This is going to be exciting! Life is supposed to be about changes and being happy and living for the moment! Right? (damn, I sound like a frigin cheerleader!) Yes, things are going to be a little stressful until I'm actually there, but, I am soooooooooooo looking forward to the changes.  I'm such a creature of habit... this will be good for me! My son is moving to Florida, which, it makes me sad and every time I think about it, it makes me think of him growing up. Little league games, putting his dirty feet all over the walls, watching his eyes light up when I brought home a happy meal, first day of school...... ugggh. I want him to go and be like I was. I want him to do whatever it is that makes him happy.  It's still sad, though.This is exactly what I needed. I've been in Nashville for 14 years. Don't get me wrong, I like Nashville and I've made a lot of great friends. I will miss them all very much because each one has brought something into my life. But it's time to move on and live for me. I have been so butt puckered over the last several years.... worrying about my job, my house, getting my son through high school and then college.... I just need to UN pucker and LIVE! Now, if I can just do this and stop worrying about every little thing, I should be one happy camper!!
Oh, and a side note, I have the EXACT same glasses as Tom Petty is wearing! Sorry Darren! They are timeless! Yep, I'm stuck in the 80's but hey, that's just who I am!!

Don't Make Me Cry on My Sticky Fingers

I am an emotional wreck right now...... OMG...... my life as I know it and have lived it for the last 15 plus years is about to change drastically. For those who don't know me, I moved to Nashville 15 years ago. I'm originally from Watertown, NY. So that in itself was a HUGE change. Now, I'm experiencing the almost empty nest syndrome, moving to a new state, making new friends, hoping to keep my job, feeling out of place, state of mind. I am in a constant state of panic, fear, sadness and stress. I'm always nauseous.... I can't help it. I feel like that dude on the cartoon who always said, "which way did he go, which way did he go!" I can't think straight. I'm always second guessing everything I do. Ugghh.... I feel like I just need a constant wine drip to exist right now.
I went to GA over the weekend to see D and to look for a place to live. I was fine.... until I got there. Then it hit me. Panic... fear....OMG... I try not to let D know that I feel this way because I don't want HIM panicking, etc.... I had an emotional meltdown while I was there.I just got so overwhelmed that I just literally shut down. I couldn't and didn't even want to think about finding a new place to live. So much shit ran through my mind. The reality that I would not be near my son (we've been together since he was born....23 years ago!), the fact that I'm going to be giving up my mini-mansion with it's beautiful bubbletub, not seeing my bunnies everyday, knowing that my job is 11 miles away, sliding down the driveway in my basket, Sonic just around the corner.... then, the thought of being here alone, not with my D, made me so sad. I'm just a hot mess, I tell ya. I literally just shut down and went and got into the bed (at 3:00 in the afternoon) and cried myself to sleep. Why is this happening? Shouldn't I be thrilled? Shouldn't I be excited to start this new chapter? Poor Darren, he has listened to me flip flop my decisions back and forth so much he doesn't know if he's dating me or six different versions of me. He never knows who he's gonna get when he calls me. Calm Kerri. Sad Kerri. Whacko Kerri. Damn..... It got so bad that HE suggested I go have a glass of wine (he no longer drinks.....). If you know Darren, then you know I must have been WAY out there for him to suggest this. We went to Sticky Fingers for dinner over the weekend and I swear, it took everything I had not to cry onto my Memphis rubbed ribs..... I'm such a wiener.
So, anyone... HELP!!! How do I get the fuck out of this FUNK??? I am a creature of habit and change does NOT suit me well. Never has. Seriously, I'm afraid I'm going to literally have a stroke. Plus, I'm doing a LOT of emotional eating and THAT'S not helping me, either. Speaking of emotional eating, we are having a SNACK DAY at work for a lead who is leaving. I'm not emotional over that! I don't wanna snack. Why do I have to bring something in? Women walking around all day fillin' up their plates with cookies, sausage balls, bread, and whatever other shit they can eat....ALL DAY!! I HATE BEING BACK AT THE OFFICE!!!! I can't stand people talking to me. Constantly. I thought the newness of me being back at the office would wear off after a day or two. NOPE. A month later and people are still stopping by my desk shooting the shit. Look people.... I get here at 6am, LONG before any of your asses, put my headphones on, rock out to 80's music ALL. DAY. LONG. When you stop by, you are disturbing me. I don't tell you this because, well, I don't want to see you cry. But seriously, YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! I don't NEED anymore friends!!! UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....... ok, I'm gonna get out of this tub and go eat some ice cream, curl up in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep. Good night. Peace out.

Pooh, Pooh, Pee, Doo!!!

If you know me, you know I've been working from home for the last year and a half. I was called back to work at the office two weeks ago. And I've got to tell you, IT'S CONSTIPATING ME!!!!!! No, REALLY!!!!
I'm one of those pooh-shy people.... you know, the one's who can't  go at a rest area, restaurant, gas station, relatives house, etc....  It's like I  get toilet shy.  I don't know why.  I just do.  Honestly, this is like the worst thing about being back at the office.
I'm dealing with the fifty different smells coming from the kitchen at lunch time. I mean, no matter what anyone cooks, the shit always smells like re fried beans to me.  Gross!!!! I bring everything I need with me in my lunch bag.  There is NEVER a need for me to go into that nasty kitchen! I mean, why would you want to warm up your lunch in a microwave where every one's blown up shit, is hanging from the top of the microwave because they didn't cover their dish? Really, warm up a cup of coffee with a big pasta sauce loogie hanging over it, just waiting for the opportune time to fall into YOUR coffee....... disgusting! People are nasty.  But again, I'm tolerating that.
But (no pun intended here), I have not and don't believe I will ever be able to stand the restrooms or the nasty ass shit that is in there.  First off, I'm the one you hear two stalls down that sounds like they're in a wrestling match with a roll of wax paper! Yes, I LAYER the seat with the complimentary seat covers. And I'm obviously the ONLY one that uses them!!! I will only do this if it's an emergency pee situation! I cannot stand having to tinkle in a room with 8 other people!! It's disgusting! Again, it has to be a life or pee-your-pants situation for me to even enter the poo-troth!
My problem is this..... I come home on Fridays, bloated, stomach as hard as a brick and literally full of SHIT!!! I cannot seem to overcome my fear of public-poohing! I try, but, as soon as I think it's possible, I freeze! Someone walks in and totally messes up my momentum. Then I spend the next three minutes checking out their nasty ass, un-painted, cuticle covered toenails while they just pooh like it's no big deal!!! Farting, grunting....... What???   How can this not bother people?? Seriously, I've been with D for almost a year and there is no WAY I'd pooh in front of him!! I freak out if he walks in twenty minutes after the fact!!! He probably wonders why there is an overwhelming smell of Clorox, hairspray, Axe and perfume coming from the bathroom! I just can't do it..... When I was working from home, I had a routine.  No problems what.so.ever.
So, this past Friday, when I got home, I was in agony! I felt like I would have sunk to the ocean floor if someone threw me out of a boat! I was in soooooo much pain.  So, I bought me some WOMEN'S gentle, yet effective overnight relief laxatives.  I figured, heck, what could it hurt? I take my little pink "wonder pill", went to bed with the thoughts of sleeping in, being lazy.... ahhh..... UGGGHHHHHH..... 4 am....A.M.... Saturday morning, my "gentle yet effective" relief was kicking in.  I thought I was having a bad dream.... that I was having labor pains!!! That shit HURT!!!! Who invented the laxative??? A 500 pound man, obviously!!! This was the worst pain EVER!!!!!!! I will NOT be taking those again!! WOW! So, here it is, Monday,  day one of the week long  POOH-STRIKE. I hate the office...........

Well Aint That Just Frigin Peachy?????

Things that make me happy.... right now.....

The collectible Smurfs at McDonald's, 10 cents off a gallon of gas by buying my groceries at Kroger, Darren's soft skin, this ginormous salad from Chick-Fil-A that I'm eating in the tub, that' I'm finally growing balls and getting ready to tell some fair weather friends to fuck off, Nikki Sixx "Sixx Sense" CD (thanks Dustin!), the big chocolate Frosty sitting in the freezer waiting for me, I have a job, my son is a computer geek and his friends come and stay with us and they look at my computer..... for free :-), because they enjoy it (and they are great kids, too), my bubble tub, Meet the Kardashian's on TV, this olive oil based hair mask that's been on my head for almost an hour, getting a coupon in the mail for a box of free hair coloring from Garnier, that my muffin top is slowly deflating (thanks to the 350 crunches everyday),Foldger's Black Silk coffee in the morning while I Skype my man, my memory foam pillow I can't wait to lay my head on later, my comfy sheets, and my big ole' glass of unsweet tea!

The reason I posted all of the things I like right now is because I didn't want to start it off ranting and raving!!! Like this:
I absolutely fucking hate fair weather friends!! If you're my friend, then you're my friend. Period! Not when it's convenient for you, not when I'm doing the things you want me to do or what you like.... but ALL the time!!! Fuck that!!! Over it!! NEXT!!! I hate that my sunflower seeds keep falling off of the fork into my frigin tub, my computers', yes, both of them, are broken, the fact that the company I currently work for did not even bother to give me an interview for a job that I applied for (they gave it to another employee before the job posting was even over!! Assholes!), getting home with above said big ole' glass of unsweet tea only to realize, IT'S SWEETENED!!! Morons! I hate that some people are soooooo judgemental, arrogant, ungrateful, lazy, lying mother F'ers and are treated like some kind of royalty! WTF?? I hate when a relative TRIES to make you feel guilty..... I don't feel guilty about ANYTHING I'm getting ready to do, mind you, it just PISSES me off that people just don't know how to say, "Good for you!" or "How exciting!"......  buzz kills. I'm pissed off that every single pair of pants that I buy for work has to be hemmed because I'm vertically challenged! So, the pants I got on sale for $20 just turned into a $50 pair of pants. $11 to hem, and $10 a leg to taper (can't stand the bell bottom look.... ewwwww!) Why couldn't I have grown just another inch or two???? WHYYYYYYYY????????  I hate the fact that I have to get up and SKYPE my man instead of being there next to him having coffee.
I've had a shit'tastic day today.  If it could go wrong, it did. I always seem to be one up on life and then boom, I'm one step back.  Grrrrrrrr.....  So, I'm going to fish the sunflower seeds outta this tub, rinse my hair mask that is probably like plaster to my head now, go eat my big ass frosty,  screw the crunches tonight, and watch some shit TV! So I can wake up bright and early and go slave at my job for the jackasses that wouldn't even get me a frigin' interview!!!! FML!!!!!!
That is all........ 

Hi.... my name is............... and I'm an ALCOHOLIC....

Do you know what it's like to actually hear someone call themselves an alcoholic? It leaves you speechless. Well, it did me, anyways.  You all of a sudden become conscious of the words, beer, alcohol, drink......  and I notice I even catch myself trying to NOT use words like, choco-aholic or shop-aholic.
I've recently had the pleasure of watching someone admit they have a problem and take charge of their life and go to a detox facility. I say pleasure, because even though it was probably the hardest thing they've ever done in their life, I watched that person make the decision to live. It was bittersweet.  It hurt knowing what they were going to endure there, but it was such a great, happy feeling knowing that this person would be around for many years to come!
I'm trying to respect that person by not saying the words alcohol, beer, etc....  But am I really helping them?  Won't they have to eventually confront ALCOHOL in some way, shape or form? Whether it be at the grocery store, in a restaurant, a friends house?  I'm personally trying to NOT put this person in a glass house, but it's very hard. You want to protect them but when actually, they are the only one's that can protect themselves. Who's to say that watching someone else drink would make them weak and feel like they needed a drink? This is something they'll have to figure out on their own. There is nothing I, or anyone else can do, to shut off the world around them. It sucks, but I guess that's part of recovery. Finding the triggers.

My friend has not had a drink in thirteen days. They are filling their time with things that they didn't normally do. I am in total awe of this person.  They have really turned their life around. Yes, it's only been thirteen days. One day at a time. This person is going through one on one counseling, instead of the ever so popular AA.  I was kind of sceptical at first about not going to AA.  Isn't this how everyone goes through recovery? Well, I'm sure not everyone, but, a good majority of the people. AA may be the best thing for some, I'm not knocking that organization at all.  I'm just saying, this person has come a long ways in almost two weeks with the help of counselors and by reading the book, "The Secret."  I've also been reading the book and I can totally see why it's aiding them in their recovery.  It basically states the obvious about everything. Things we don't necessarily think about everyday. "Thoughts become things."  "Like attracts like."  It really makes you stop and look at how what we do or say brings that exact same thing into our lives. If you think nothing but negative thoughts, only negative will come into your life. I guess it's like that old saying, "you are what you eat."  If you eat nothing but junk food, well, you know you will not be healthy.  It's a really good book for all of you negative thinkers!!!
I've started going to Al-Anon meetings. I guess I wanted to go so I could be around other people who know recovering alcoholics and just see how other people are handling it. Yesterday, the topic at the meeting was not focusing on the problem, but focusing on the solution. The problem WAS alcohol. Now it's time to get on to the solution. Again, it's going to be a long road, but I have total faith in this person and I see that they TRULY want this. They are such an inspiration to me!! I cannot even express in words how proud of them I am! I'm so happy, I just want to eat cake! :-)

To my best friend- You are an amazing person! I am so, SO proud of you and I love you with all of my heart and soul!! Now get me some cake! LOL!

Honey, I'm Home!

I know, it's been a month since I've posted anything on here. Trust me, I've had plenty to say, but didn't really have time to blog. Ok, that's a lie. I was too busy watching Dancing with the Stars and just being lazy.

I've been spending most of my time tanning so I can be nice and brown before my annual Florida beach vacation, which is coming up June 30th. Ten days on the beach..... ahhhh....  Tanning on a lawn chair on a concrete driveway sucks, but, what do you do?

I'm also contemplating a move out of state. More than likely, I'll be heading to Savannah, GA. This is going to be a big move. It's going to piss some people off (my family, especially) but I have to do what I think is best for me, and frankly, Savannah is the most beautiful place I've ever been. Spanish moss hanging from the trees, Tybee Island, Savannah Candy Shoppe...... need I say more? I'll  only be a few hours away from friends and family and now, they'll have no reason to not come and see me.

I have figured out in the last month that I am NEVER going to please everybody and I need to stop worrying about it. I need to be happy FIRST!!!  Tybee Island makes me very happy! Now, just doing it will be my next major hurdle. I'll work on that later. One thing at a time.

So, on that note, I just wanted to get my mind ready for my typical summer blogs about too short shorts, unpolished nails and manscaping (aka man bashing)! Let the bash.... I mean, blogging begin! Oh, FYI, if you live here in Tennessee and you plan on tanning for the next week or so, do NOT use tanning OIL. Use a lotion...... it's very hard to run from a cicada while he is stuck to you like glue because he's weighed down by the oil. Trust me, you can run all you want, but his ass ain't going anywhere!!! Just a tip!

Well, happy almost-summer! 

Respect ALL Branch of the Military!!!

I actually wrote this Monday, but, I waited to post it...... I was VERY pissed! Still am.......

People amaze me!

Yesterday, Osama Bin Laden was shot and killed by  Seal Team 6. ST6 is a  Tier-One counter-terrorism force similar to the Army's elusive Delta group. Folks, this is HUGE!! No, it's not the end of terrorism but it has removed one of the most evil men on this planet and  maybe it has  given people who lost loved ones on 9/11, hopefully a little bit of closure.  So WHY??? WHY are we criticizing WHO made the kill? I'm stunned. I actually had a "friend" on face book who posted on face book this morning, and I quote, " yah!! OBL is dead! Thank God it wasn't the Marines that took him out! Go SEALS!" Ok, first off, ARE YOU F'ING SERIOUS??? Why would you bash ANY branch of the military? They ALL play a part in protecting us EVERY-SINGLE-DAY!!! They ALL put their lives on the line for our freedom!! HOW DARE YOU??? My nephew served in the Marine's and did two tours in Iraq! I have friends whose husbands or kids are over there fighting! Would you walk up to them and laugh in their face because they are a Marine? Or an infantryman in the ARMY? YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN SERVED IN THE MILITARY!!! OMG, this has pissed me off to no end. You are a piece of shit!! If you feel it necessary to bash any member of the military, I dare you to do it to their face! You are a musician! How does this compare? Please, do tell????

Sorry, but that really pissed me off and I had to vent! I have Uncles that were in the MARINES and were in Vietnam, my son's father was in the ARMY and served in Desert Storm, my nephew was a MARINE  and served two tours in Iraq, my son has friends who are in the ARMY and MARINES serving in Iraq! How dare anybody say hateful things about people that risk their lives for ALL OF US!! Shame on you!!!

I, for one, am thankful for ALL of the service men and women  who serve our country, TO PROTECT US!!!

No, I am not an Obama fan. But I do not believe that today is the day to criticize him. Yes, he will be remembered for this FOR SURE! And????????