Sunday, October 24, 2010

Poof!!! Be gone!!!

Really???
What ever happened to R-E-S-P-E-C-T??
How can people be so cruel? So disrespectful? So dishonest?  Oh, wait, I know...... they have no conscience!
Sorry guys, it's another man-bashing blog! But, not all men (YOU know who you are!) are like that! I know!
How can a man lie, cheat and steal from someone that they supposedly love? Who does that? I mean, you kiss someone and tell them that you love them while all along, you are cheating? Kissing another woman with those lying ass lips? Do you have no couth? This is why men get judged before women get to know them.  See how one douche bag can ruin it for everybody?
How can a man sit back and watch someone try their best to provide for everyone while THEY are out pursing their passion, while not providing ANYTHING??? Then, when they feel like they need to move on and get it somewhere else, they wait until the coast is clear, go in and STEAL things that they know they didn't deserve in the first place and not even leave so much as a "fuck-you" note? No balls!!! But to this I say, take your parting gift and get the 'eff out already!!!
I personally have had an Epiphany this week!! Oh, here's the definition in case that word is too big for you: 
a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
If you think negative thoughts, only negative junk will come into your life!! This week, I've realized that I deserve ALL GOOD THINGS and when I think positive, positive things come into my life!! I have reconnected with people from my past that have really made me realize that I deserve good things in my life and I am extremely happy!!!
So take your THINGS and move on!!!!! Hope you and your TV will be happy!!!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Me... turning into a marshmallow?

According to my good friend, we'll call her "J", I've become a "softy".... losing my edge.... my razor sharp tongue has been filed down to the refined shape of a classy, southern belle do-good er.(I made that up... she didn't say that exactly... she used cuss words!). Really?? Nahhhhhhh......
J seems to think that my watching Dancing with the Stars and 20+ solid hours of watching the Chilean miners be rescued has ruined my love of cussing, ranting and bitching!
Has watching Dancing with the Stars turned me into my total opposite? Does what we watch on tv really show who we are? I don't think so.  I don't want to run out and by a sexy dress and run around doing the Argentine Tango. I think I'd be as graceful as David Hasselhoff and as clumsy as Margaret Cho!!! Not cool!! I just find it humorous!  These "stars" (Bristol Palin.... why are we calling her a star exactly???) go out there, some with NO dancing experience and try to be sexy and suave......  HA!!! Trust me, I did NOT find the Hoff sexy!! Funny, yes, sexy, HELL NO!!!!  I even screamed, "you fucking suck, HOFF," when he danced!!! I love comedy and this is the funniest thing next to stand-up, if you ask me.
As far as my sarcastic, cuss loving mouth...... it's still here!!! Hey, I even ranted about one of the Chilean miners yesterday before he was pulled to safety.  I had heard that his wife and mistress both were waiting for him. I just assumed he was a piece of shit like every other cheating husband. But, I had to retract that because after further investigation (I watched CNN for like 20 hours.... shut up J! ) it turns out that he and his wife of 28 years have been separated and he's had this mistress for 10 years....... kind of took the man-whore theory away from my rant.  Oh well.  I'm just trying to prove a point. 
There just hasn't really been anything worth going off about lately.  Yeah, yeah, Lindsay Lohan is at The Betty Ford Clinic..... so what. She should have been there for the last 5 years.  I'm tired of blogging/bashing these stupid little rich and famous people.  And this Snooki character..... who the fuck is she and why are we so interested in her stupid, asinine behavior?  She's a dip shit.  Like the judge who just sentenced her for disturbing the peace said, "she's a Lindsay Lohan wanna be." Miley Cyrus? Lindsay? Snooki?  Role models for our youth???  These are the people we should be warning our kids to stay away from.  I mean, how many mothers went out there and bought their daughter a "bump-itz" for their hair so they could look like Snooki (I do like saying that word.... Snooki! LOL)? Really? You think that's a good look?  Personally, I think she looks like a little  sausage stuck inside a baby sock.  She's mouthy, rude, loud..... (kind of like me, but different. I have a little class....) Grrrrr.......  She gives us Northern girls a bad reputation.  We're not all like her.  You don't have to be rude ALL the time.  Only when necessary. OK, enough about that....
Also, I've now become addicted to Twitter.  I follow mostly funny people with the same sense of humor that I have.  I follow, "Shit my dad says" and let me tell ya, that dude is hilarious!! Here's one of his Tweets: "Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit!" Love that!!!
So, anyways, I'm still here.  Still foul mouthed. Still bitchin.  Still hatin. 
Oh, and thanks for my coffee and good conversation (bitchin'), J! And, I am forcing myself to watch Chelsea Handler tonight.  This should be interesting.

HA!!! Spell check can't find LOL but it corrected the word:: dogshit!! Apparently, I left out the space! Priceless!!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Run Forrest, Run!!!




Well, I'm back from my last beach hoo-rah of 2010. My husband and I went down to Savannah, GA for a few days.  We went over to Beaufort, SC on Friday to see Gary Sinese play with the Lt. Dan Band at the Beaufort Shrimp Festival.  It was awesome! Shrimp out the ass!!! I love it!! The Jenny (Forrest Gump's boat) was docked by the stage. It was very cool! Fun night!
Saturday was Oktoberfest on River Street in Savannah. Tons of people. The husband played with Chuck Courtenay. Again, a fun night.  TIP: vodka makes me VERY vocal and verbally abusive!! Probably should never let me drink vodka and; go to church, give a wedding toast, ask me how your new hair color/cut looks, etc.....   Just sayin.
I must say one thing though.  Savannah is not the most fashion conscious state in the country.  I'm not a fashionista by any stretch, BUT, I read enough Vogue, Marie Clair and Cosmo to know that some things, should NEVEAH leave a woman's closet. (Said with the most slippery southern drawl I could muster!) Maybe it was mostly tourists, but, look here. Marc Jacobs and many other high end stores are right there in downtown Savannah. Go look in the windows and see if anything you're wearing  even RESEMBLES anything in those windows.  If not, go home, throw all your clothes away and start from scratch, dah'ling! Oh, and the men??? Twice as bad!!! Let me dig up some examples.....
Pick one pink item. Too much=small penis

YES! These DO make you look Gay!! 
Ok, enough of that! I love Savannah, GA and hate to pick on it's people.  But please, PLEASE help these people. Well, as you probably already know, I'm in the bubble tub relaxing, blogging and criticizing. I got back to Nashville and it's freezing, so I'm also thawing out!!  I'll end this now with a few fun pics!






Gary Sinese warming up!!
Me at the beach!!
Big frigin' horse!!! With a big frigin' pee puddle!!

I want to live HERE!!!



Monday, September 27, 2010

Men.... Get Your Heads out of Your ASSES, Please!!!!

Is there something in the water? Is it the cool weather creeping up on us, making people want to stray to other warm arms? Are all men going through a mid-year crisis? Someone please explain this to me.  I know of three men who are currently cheating on their spouses.  Why? From where I'm sitting, I see no good reason. They all have good, honest, loving wives. What is wrong with people these days?
Marriage has become so disposable for some people.  It's sickening really.  It makes it hard for those of us who really cherish what a marriage means. It's not just men.  Women do it, too.  Some men admit they like the "hunt" and some like the tingly feeling they get in their manparts when they think another woman finds them attractive. So, why do they think the grass is greener on the other side? Why do they just up and leave a marriage to get a temporary tingle?  Mid life crisis? I don't think so.  I think cheating is just in some peoples blood. Some men have to feel like the center of attention.... all the time.  How sad to have such low self-esteem.
Your spouse is the only person you need to be getting attention from. Your spouse is the only person you should be showing affection to. Cheating is so selfish. Why get married? And then, the kicker, is when the cheating spouse tells everyone that he is not being loved enough, or given enough attention at home. Making the unknowing wife look like a dumb ass when really she's just a victim.
I honestly believe in karma.  I think when you do something bad, something bad will happen to you.  You have to make a conscious effort to do good things to get good things in return.  Cheating, lying, stealing....... nothing good comes out of that.  Maybe temporarily, but, in the long run, it'll catch up to you.
So, to ALL of the cheaters out there.  Men AND women....  STOP IT!!  Be an adult.  You're not in high school.  Marriage is not a game.  If you were serious enough to marry this person then you need to take the marriage seriously.  How many times do you think a person REALLY finds true love? Once... maybe twice in their lifetime?? Get off the facebook, stop trying to get un-necessary attention from other women, love your wife, love your family and get your big, fat head out of your ass and be the husband you promised you were going to be. 
It's a fact that men age faster than women. So, what this means is.... men, when you start getting bald, your sack is hanging 4 inches lower than it used to, you fart when you walk, your ear hair has an appointment at the salon for a trim..... trust me, that woman you left your wife for, is going to do the same thing that YOU did. LEAVE!! Then you'll be sitting by yourself, heating up your little Hungry Man dinner for one, wishing you had that sweet, attentive, honest wife that you left for the younger, hipper, woman. Karma......   I'm tellin ya!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Lindsay Lohan Tested Positive for Coke? Nooooo..........

Well, well, well........  I would love to say that I am shocked, but I'm not. Lindsay just tested positive for COKE at her court appointed probation visit.   Let see, the judge gave her what 90 days in jail then she was ordered to go right into rehab.... for her COKE problem. So, she was released from jail early for good behavior (?? over crowded jail) then sent to rehab where in less than a week had somehow made everyone believe she was clean and a really, REALLY good inspiration to the other junkies.  Riiiiiiggghhht! And Elvis is over here and I just made him a peanut butter and nanner sand which.

Is that court system really that ignorant?  Did they truly NOT see this coming? The girl is an ACTRESS you bunch of douche bags!! She acted out being sober and kind and sweet.  This is not her.  She is a coke head.  Two weeks in jail isn't going to change that! A year in rehab, MAYBE.  No lesson was learned by her in jail or therapy.  Pretty obvious, don't ya think?

If she gets into an accident and hurts someone, if I were them, I would sue Lindsay, the judge, the county, the psychiatrist who cleared her to leave.... everyone who enabled her to go out and do this all over again!!!! They are just as irresponsible and Lindsay. Makes me sick. If that was me, I'd still be serving my 11-29. Cause I sure the hell wouldn't have gotten off that easy.......  Only in Hollywood apparently and only if you are a star.  My new nickname for her...  Lindsay Loserhan!!!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

On a more serious note.......

I just want to say that, you never really know what you have until it's gone. You go about your business everyday, not thinking that tomorrow, a person that you love could be gone. Sometimes by choice.... sometimes not. It's true, though. I found out today that someone I once knew, my age, died. Unexpectedly. No, we weren't in contact with each other, but, just the thought of someone that I knew, so young, is just, gone. He won't see another sunset.... but worse, nobody will see another sunset WITH HIM. To me, that's tragic. His mother will not get to see her baby boy again, his friends won't get to see him or talk to him again..... strangers will never get the opportunity to be friends with him.
It makes you wish you could go back and say or do things differently. To make sure that they knew that you loved them and how much you cared about them. We take for granted that they will just be there tomorrow.

I have had a total eye opening experience. I plan on, from now on out, saying exactly how I feel, so nobody will ever have doubts. I want the people that I love and care about to know, without a doubt, that they were loved by me. 100%.

I'm also going to TRY and start stressing less about that unimportant crap that seeps its way into my life. If someone doesn't like me, oh well. I'm not going to let it bother me. They're just missing out on having an honest, truthful friend in their life. I'm not going to bicker with my husband or anyone else. Why? What's the point? It's so stupid. If I woke up tomorrow and he were gone, I would hope that he went knowing that I love him, I appreciate everything he's done for me (iphone updates, fix my computer, kill bugs, itched my back when i couldn't reach it, fixed me spaghetti, loved me....) Because in the end, isn't that all that matters? The little things that let people know how much you REALLY do love them and appreciate them? Yeah, I think so.

Starting today, I'm going to be a better wife, mother and friend.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What? Me? Mean? Never!!!!!!

I think I'm going through a serious case of " you are annoying the shit out of me, I hate my life, why are you wearing THAT, who fucking cares, kiss my ass, please stop talking, face book is getting ridiculous, I want to stay drunk all day, why can't I find a lit agent, your ass can't sing" kind of funk.

Seriously, I rarely get on Face book anymore. I was becoming one of those people that I hate.  Post your every movement of everyday, get all philosophical over your hum-drum boring ass life...... NEXT! Twitter... now there's where I'm at.

What is wrong with me? I just want to sleep. I have no desire to do anything that I used to like. Except to go to Savannah, GA.  Seems it's the only place I like these days.  I have been ignoring texts, emails and phone calls from people I used to talk to everyday.  Not because of them so much...... it's just me.  I don't feel like exerting myself to answer the phone, text, what have you. So there ya go folks, please don't ask me WHY next time you do see/talk to me. I don't want to have to explain it again. It could be embarrassing..... for you.

Is it because of the change of weather? Is that fucking with my body chemistry and turning me into this hormonal rabid bitch that I've become?  I love summer and as far as I'm concerned, it's totally gone.  I've had to wear a hoodie and slippers for the last several mornings. Yes J, we KNOW how much YOU enjoy this! I don't.  Either give me 90 and sunny with sand and the ocean or 30 and cold with some lake effect snow so i can scoot my ass down the driveway in the laundry basket and sip hot chocolate.  This in between shit is for the birds. Yeah, yeah, football my ass. A bunch of dudes running around in tight pants chasing a ball and slapping each other on the ass. To me, football season just makes it easier for the already lazy people to come up with an excuse to sit in the la-z-boy, scratch their junk, eat bad foods and scream like the cast of Jersey Shore girls.  NEXT!

So, where do I go from here?  Move to an island until about May? Probably not gonna happen.  No.... I'll have to stay here, deal with stupid ass people, watch dumb shit on TV for the next 6 months, read peoples boring life stories on FB and try to control this razor sharp, cuss word loving tongue of mine.  Oh, and one more thing that has totally been driving the ever loving shit out of me-------- if you are sick, running a fever, have hemorrhoids, sore throat, kidney stones, gall stones,  pink eye, stink eye, dyslexia, perplex'ia, athletes foot, jock itch, ringworm, add, adhd, tmi, tmj, carpal tunnel, dandruff, blue balls, vaginitis, sinusitis, chicken pox or any other issues, please..... PLEEEEASE.......  TELL YOUR DOCTOR AND NOT THE WORLD!!! WE DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS YOU HYPOCHONDRIAC'S!!!! Take two frigin Aleve, some Nyquil, a shot of Jack and SHUT THE EFF UP ALREADY!!!!!! I'm sorry.... but if I can go to work one week after a major surgery, I'm almost positive you can get through an 8 hour day with a sore throat or ear infection.  Deal with it!!! OMG, I almost said the P word!! Whoa.....  I'm apparently very irritated and angry!!

Well, don't I feel a little better..!!??!! Yes! I do.....

So, if I've offended you in any way, I would normally say I'm sorry. Not gonna happen today.  If you are one of THOSE people listed above, well, I don't know what to say... other than, YOU IDIOT!!!

Oh, and one more thing.... if you wear puprle lip stick, outlined in purple lip liner.... don't cry..... you should expect to be laughed at!!! Hey, 1985 called and they want you back!!!



This just reminded me of Jody and what she'll be like in 50 years!!! LOL