Sundays Rant

It's Sunday, a day to reflect on the past week, month, etc. I was just going through my Facebook feed and saw something that really torqued my ass!

 Over the last few days, there have been many posts about the White House not flying the flag at half-staff. I too have wondered why, myself. But then I look and see who's in charge and figure that we have to just look at the source.

Then in a post I read today, I was reminded that a few weeks ago the White house was lit up with rainbow lights. I am not against what the rainbow lights stood for, let me just get that straight. What I am against is the president of the United States not respecting the military personnel that were killed in Chattanooga. 

My husband and I went grocery shopping today, and on the way we noticed several businesses with their flags at half – staff.  City offices, banks, factories, and several homes that had flagpoles in the yard. Can someone please explain to me why the president of the United States did not make this a priority at the White House?  People can say "oh you're just racist,"  "you don't like the president because he's black,"and all the other stupid things they come up with. No, I don't like him because he has not shown me that  he is a good president nor would he ever be one. This is a disgrace to the families of those that died, and a disgrace to the people who love this country. 

 I hope he is enjoying his Sunday with his family, or golfing, or doing whatever it is that's more important than showing respect to those who gave their lives. 

That was one HELL of a Break!

I'm back. Apparently, I've taken an almost two year break. Damn.

I actually tried to start blogging again a few months ago but since everything changed over to Google, I forgot passwords and email addresses and quite honestly, I was too damn lazy to figure it out.

Let me see.... what's been going on over the last few years, you ask? Well, I moved back from Georgia and back into my old house! So, it's back to the original bubble tub! I think that when I left this house, I couldn't blog.  I left my writing mojo here. But it's back!!  Then, I got married. I know, right?? I think I may have blogged in the past that I was NEVER going to get married again. But, I got me a good one, so it's all good. He thinks I'm hot and treats me like a queen. Poor guy. Seriously though, he's pretty awesome.

We've been married six months. Still in the new stage but past the whole "I can't pee in front of you," stage. He puts the seat down, sprays, keeps the sink free of whiskers and toothpaste blobs.....  yeah, he rocks. I wonder though, if he ever thinks, "man, she's kind of nasty!" I'll be honest, I have the digestive system of a 500 pound truck driver. I have serious gas issues. Basically, I stink. All the time.  Not attractive, I know. But when he and I first started dating, we ate Mexican at least twice a week and I lived on Beano. My stomach pooched out for months! I gave up on the Beano and figured if he could deal with my stinkin' ass then he was the one. He's the one.

Lots of stuff going on in this crazy world right now. Caitlyn Jenner, Donald Trump running for POTUS, everybody getting offended by some of the craziest shit.... oy'!

Til' next time......

HO! HO! HOPE I get an Aisle Seat

I'm sitting here in the bubble tub trying to check-in for my flight tomorrow (Southwest means 24 hours prior to take off. You cannot check in one minute before. Jeesh!) so I can be in the early A group. My flight leaves at 6:10. I like to be near the front, but not too close to the door. I hate being in the back near the bathroom. Nasty. It's 6:09. Says I have to wait until 6:10. 6:10!! I'm in!! I'm in the A boarding group!! WTF??? A-52??? 52??? I KNOW that I had to be the first person to check in!! That's almost the end of the first group!!! I'll never get up front!!! Dammit!!!

I'm headed to Florida to take care of my Ma'! She found out the day before Thanksgiving that she has to have surgery on her spine. They are replacing the discs in her neck. They are basically just stacked on top of each other causing severe pain. She had the first surgery today (which went well, I'm told), which they went through the front of her throat to replace some discs and Wednesday, they'll do the second surgery where they go through the back. I will be there for that surgery and will play Nurse Good body for a few days after she leaves the hospital.I'm hoping they give her some REALLY good drugs! I will administer the drugs then proceed to video her telling me that I'M her favorite and then send that video to my sisters. Just in time for them to get pissed and of course, I'll be on my flight home! I wonder if I'll be able to get that pony I always wanted...??!!!

I haven't even gotten my shopping finished! I just got back from finishing it for my family in Florida. Hey, I'll let Southwest transport my gifts instead of mailing them. I'll be saving a butt load of money that way! I'll have to finish when I get back. ON DECEMBER 21st! Uggggghhhh.  Why do I always wait?? Missy, I'll be sending your package and hopefully you'll get it for Christmas! No guarantees! I walked out of the house today and forgot to take it with me. It may come to you via Florida's mail system.

I normally spend the two weeks prior to Christmas watching A Christmas Story, Elf, and of course, my ALL TIME FAVORITE, Christmas Vacation!!! Cousin Eddie ALWAYS makes the Holidays better. But here's the thing.  My dad is addicted to Lifetime Movie Network, so, I'm sure I won't be watching them. AND....  AND..... I cannot seem to find Christmas Vacation on DVD anywhere! Only on blue ray and I don't have a blue ray DVD player.Guess I'll be watching it on my laptop if YouTube has it in it's entirety. Bummer.

Unfortunately (tee hee!) I will miss the work Christmas Dinner and Secret Santa gifts. Darn  it all.  I don't normally do the "secret Santa" crap at work anyways. I've been working from home for three years and have not participated. I refuse to have to take 2 hours off of my time to drive to/from the office to deliver a $5 gift, chit chat with people I don't care to chat with and get my secret Santa gift (usually something from the Dollar Tree). This is my thing, MAIL me my gift card for my free ham! I'll see you at my quarterly review! In March!!

On that note, I'm all checked in for my flight, my water is getting cold and my deep pore cleansing mask is melting like butter on a hot, GA sidewalk (now it's probably settled into the pores). So off I go to finish my packing and hopefully catching something Christmas'y on TV.

Please....Nobody Wants to see Your Bimples!!

Is it ever possible to go to Wal-Mart and not run into someone who belongs on the "People of Wal-mart" website? You know the one....where they show the "people" who come in dressed up like they just rolled out of bed.....or worse!!!
Well, today I had the pleasure, joy, most fucked up view EVER while waiting in line!! "Bimples and her I wanna be like that Honey Boo-Boo daughter were in front of me. With a cart FULL of garbage food which were paid with food stamps, but that's for another post.  While standing in line, I couldn't help but notice that Bimples, apparently thought she needed to dress up for her Wal-Mart outing today. I'll give her credit... no part of her body was hanging out (side boob, muffin top, tramp stamp, etc...). But what in the HELL is wrong with your ASS????? 
It literally looked like her ass was made of soft clay and someone took an object and just dimpled the hell out of it! When you wear spandex leggings, they show EVERY dimple you have!!! OMG!! Nasty!!  I'm sorry.... I'm by no means overweight, but, I do NOT wear spandex leggings ANYWHERE, other than to bed or under my jeans if it's really cold out and I'm sledding down the driveway in my laundry basket. These are meant to be worn in public by girls under the age of 12, who usually wear them under a skirt. This is OK.  45 year old women with a ton of cellulite on their legs and ass should NOT sport this kind of attire!! I know Wal-Mart is famous for, "come as you are, we'll take your money regardless" approach, but shit!! I was literally sick to my stomach!!
Quick lesson here. Jeggings are like spandex but are made of thin denim and don't show the dimples. And they actually make your jiggly ass a little tighter. Jeggings are for women over 40. BUY DAMN JEGGINS, PEOPLE!!! End of story.

See?? I rest my case.

I'm Baaaaaaaack!!!

Holy crap!! Not having a laptop for the last three months was pure torture!! Do you know how hard it is to Pinterest, blog, READ anything on an I phone?
But, thanks the massive amounts of overtime lately, I have a new computer! And I'm back and ready to bitch.... err, blog. Yeah, blog!

Where to begin??? So much stuff has frustrated me, pissed me off, intrigued me.....

This blog will just be my "getting back to blogging post." A little of this, a bunch of that....  so, here we go.

First, I would just like to thank the two folks from Sweden who continue to view my blog everyday, even though there are no recent posts. I appreciate that you are checking for updates. That tells me you like me! Or you are VERY bored. Either way, thank you!!

I believe my last blog was about the Superfluous Underwear.  Just a quick update on that. I am protesting the sale of "underpants" that come in a three pack. Hey.... nobody said you had to join in! I personally think it's a total rip off. And I have NOT worn them since the event that I had to buy them for. I'm sure the "underpants" company is probably laughing at my emails but I feel it is my duty to stand up for all of the "only wear underpants occasionally" crowd. That is all.

Next..... I'm not sure if it's just me actually growing a little soft spot or menopause getting ready to kick in and toy with my emotional state. Either way, since I've had more time on my hands lately due to no laptop, I did a  lot of thinking. I thought about my friends and the people I thought were my friends but now I'm not so sure. I mean really, at our age, well, at my age, who likes a know it all, been there, done that, I know more people than you, hypocritical, judgemental, who don't we like this week busy body. I mean really..... we're not in high school people. I don't want to sit and listen to who you don't like and why you don't like them. You will not sway me one way or the other. I form my own  opinions. So save your breath,  stop trying to be someone you are not. We don't care WHO you know or HOW you know them. Personally, I don't give a rats ass!!!! So shush already!

Speaking of friends. I just wanted to give a shout out to my friend, Stephanie Perfect. She set up a yard sale/canned food drive and all food and money went to the local food bank. She saw a story on the news where people were standing in line at 5am just to hopefully be able to get a few items. The food banks are running low thanks in part to this wonderful economy. People purchased items with canned goods and made monetary donations.  It was a huge success and over 1300 pounds of food was collected!! Way to go Stephanie!! I am so proud of you and what you accomplished!!! YOU ROCK!!!!


Facebook.... I'm really over it.  I don't get on nearly as much as I did in the past. Let me tell you why. I've blogged about this before but apparently nobody read it and took the hint. I get up at 4:45 every morning. I sit and have my coffee, scroll down through Face book to see what's going on and all I ever see anymore is political views, pictures people take with their phones posing with those Angelina Jolie duck lips pooched out, "in a relationship" to "single" to "in a relationship" to "it's complicated."  All withing an 8 hour span. Really? If it changes that much, that quick, walk away. It's obviously not a good relationship. Duh! Or, some of my favorite posts to hate include posts about your headache you've had for 3 days, the amount of narcotics you took for said headache, the amount of time you sat at the doctors office, the fact that your hiatal hernia is acting up again, your rant to your ex, AND STOP SENDING ME FRIGIN GAME REQUESTS (I only play words with friends...)!!!! Seriously. I'm over it.

Any-who.....  I just wanted to let y'all know I was back!!! Keep on reading and I'll keep on blogging!

My book, for those interested, is nearing the end and will be trying to make it's way to a Barnes and Noble near you!! Keep your fingers crossed that some publisher will enjoy my sense of humor and publish the damn thing!!

Oh wait!! Two more things!! One, just because it's fall now doesn't mean you should neglect your toenails!! A good Mani/pedi never killed anyone!!! And I urge you to go to Walgreen's and buy some Cadburry Screme Eggs for Halloween! They have green creme in the center!!! Yum-frig in-ohhhhhhhh!!! OK, now I'm done! 

Peace out Bitches!!   

Superfluous Underwear!!!

I had to go out and buy a pair of underwear recently, to go under a dress. I'll admit, I'm not an underwear wearer. Yeah, yeah....  Get over it.
Anyways, I had no idea that trying to purchase one pair of beige underwear was going to turn into such an ordeal. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I needed and I was on a mission. I had a few hours before my flight left so I needed to get to Target and pick up said pair of beige underwear, go home, pack the rest of my stuff and take off for the airport.
So I get to Target, head to the "underwear jungle" and search for just the right pair. I was looking for a cheap, plain beige, no thong, no lace, just plain ole' cotton "underpants," as my mom still calls them. I searched high and low for my "single pair of no muss, no fuss,beige underwear". Beige and white stripes, beige with flowers, beige with hearts, beige with colored stripes, beige g-string, beige thong. Do people NOT wear plain colored bikini underwear these days?
Then, I found them. But the ONE pair I needed was in a pack of three... a black pair, a white pair and ta- DAH... a beige pair. Well, I guess if this is the ONLY way I'm going to get my ONE pair of beige underpants, then so be it. I looked up at the price tag and WHOA.....$9.99!! For THREE, count 'em, THREE pairs of underwear! Are you kidding me?? If I was to wear underwear, I would be changing them everyday. So that means, I would need seven pair for the week. That would cost approximately $30 for a weeks worth of underwear. Wait... WHAT??? Since when were underwear more expensive than a dinner at Logan's Steakhouse? I could buy a new pair of Chucks for what I would spend on one week's worth of underwear! I could have bought 30 songs on Itunes, a carton of cigarettes, filled up my gas tank.......  Underwear is so overrated!! What a waste.
Every time I think about my trip to Target for ONE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR, it reminds me of this scene from Father of the Bride......

Don't make me kill you with my 3.4 ounces of deodorant!

Have you ever flown and when you packed, you totally forgot about the size of the liquids you are allowed to carry on to the plane? I usually run out to Target and get the 99 cent tube of toothpaste and the trial size deodorant and then just use someone else's body wash, shampoo, etc. No big deal. But when I flew to Tampa last week, I just threw a few things in my bag because I was only going for a few days, so I didn't bring tons of crap. Without even thinking about it  I threw in my toothpaste and deodorant (I did put them in a zip-lock) that I use everyday.
I very rarely check my luggage. I hate standing around waiting for it when I get to where I'm going so, I make sure it will all fit in my small suitcase so I can carry it on the plane with me.
So, I pull off my shoes, my belt, put my laptop in it's OWN tote, per the as-a-matter-of-factly TSA dude, and stand in the glass bubble while my entire body is looked at with that fancy x-ray machine thing. While I'm waiting on the other side, my bare feet standing on the cold, probably funky with toe jam and athlete's foot fungus tiles, I see my duffel bag start to come out of the machine. Whoops! Back in it goes. It doesn't come out. A TSA agent grabs my bag and says, "Is this yours?" "Yes, it's mine." I kind of got a little scared. I was thinking, "did someone slip something in my bag?" The LOVELY TSA agent pulls out my bras, panties, camera and my ziplock filled with my toothpaste, toothbrush and deodorant. "This is the problem. You can't have this on the plane," as she unzipped the ziplock and removed the deodorant and toothpaste. "I'll dispose of it for you." Wow.  It's toothpaste and deodorant. Ok. It's their job. I get it. My bad."Next time you pack, we specifically state on our website to use one-quart ziplock bags. You have here a one GALLON size bag." Are you fucking serious?  On that note, I slid on my shoes, threw my belt in my purse and hauled my duffel bag with my one gallon ziplock to Tootsie's and had a QUART of beer!!
Now, I'm not knocking TSA for doing their job. I'm not. But answer me this....  On the way back from Tampa, I had in my duffel bag, a ONE-GALLON zip lock (the same one I brought with me) with a FULL size deodoarant, a FULL size toothpaste, a 10 ounce bottle of hair product and a picture frame with a picture of my sister and her new husband. WITH THE GLASS IN IT!!! Explain to me HOW the frame was not thrown away. I think if I was a terrorist, I would try to hurt someone by breaking the glass and making a weapon with it rather than spending three minutes uncapping and rolling out the deodorant and poking someone in the eye with it. They didn't bat at eye at my bag. They watched it on the monitor and let it go through.
I'm just glad to see that TSA is consistent. Makes me feel really safe. NOT!!!!
Oh, and on my flight from Atlanta to Nashville, one of the flight attendants was an Asian male. Lets just say, it's a good thing I've flow before because if not, I would have never been able to figure out how to make my seat a floatation device or how to put my oxygen mask on. Jeesh.
"Wel-om to At-an-ta. Two-day, we are go to Nish-vill. Pleeeeese have good day."